Sunday, December 22, 2013

The Perils of Internet Dating - Top tips for the Unaware

Pretty much any single homo sapien in the first world is shopping for love online today. I have been browsing around a couple of sites for two or so years now, and have become reasonably well versed in what you will find online, and at this point, in all honesty, a little discouraged as well.

OK. So I am attracted to interesting, creative, arts and culture types. Let me clarify that my online dating experience is coloured by that fact. No doubt many men felt similarly disillusioned by my profile !

Its just that so many profiles read EXACTLY the same as each other - wanting to find someone fun, being into all the usual run of the mill stuff (football, eating out, reading the paper/news online), and more often than not, sporting a really unappealing image. (See above!)

Where are all the diverse gems of blokes (and no doubt women too) in this world of billions?

How do you put 'your best face forward' in the online haystack of internet dating?

The following is my advice for a really appealing 'gem like' profile, for what its worth:
One : Usually, online Gems will have a clear, smiling profile picture.

No bathroom selfies in sight.

No (terminator style) sunglasses covering your face or pictures of your back in a tropical location.

No shirtless dudes or skimpily clad gals (it smacks of ego).

No pictures of you with your ex or heaven forbid, on your last wedding day!

Just a friendly, approachable, well taken photo.

(To any prospective online dating wannabe's, think about getting someone to take some pro photos for you - you are marketing yourself in a chronically visualised society after all.)

Two : Have a written profile that reads well, is honest and sincere.

Again, if writing is not your forte, it is worth seeking out a friend who can help you compile a written presentation. There are many lovely people don't know how to put words together well, and online profiles can be quite unforgiving in this way. Look for ways to avoid any disadvantage in this area.

Don't talk about walking on beaches at sunset (eye roll).

Or liking to have fun (who doesn't?).

Or wanting to find someone to share your life with (hello - why else would you be here, unless your after a quick fling - and if you are, be sure to say so. There is nothing wrong with that, but PLEASE be sure to market yourself as such, so that you attract similarly minded people and avoid breaking any hearts....)

Talk about what fills you with passion - be it renovating or great philosophers or Woody Allen films...... tell the people specifically about YOU. Your written profile is where you share about your love of pig hunting (not your profile picture). You want to find someone who connects with who you are, so tell them about your love of obscure rockabilly music, escargot or visits to tibetan monasteries, and you never know - that might be the spark to a flame! 

Please, don't leave the written profile part blank, or filled with the phrase "I don't know what to write".......insert your favourite meaningful song lyrics or poem that seems appropriate if you absolutely cannot think what to say.
Three : If you are searching for love, give people a chance.

Leave your preconceived ideas behind and step out of your comfort zone in a virtual sense. 

Make the first move.

Be resilient and pick yourself up if you get a rebuff.

The world is a massive gourmet feast of people. Finding connection, intimacy and love is the greatest quest you will undertake. It is meant to be an adventure - if it was easy, we would quickly become complacent. Because it is a challenge to find our true love, doesn't it make it all the more precious and worth the trying? 
Four: Play it safe in a real world sense.

Only meet for coffee for a first date, and allow yourself an 'out' if things arnt going well.

Be brave enough to leave early, or be straightforward if a person does not match up to their online photograph or write up.

You deserve the very best, so be assertive if people are not who they have lead you to believe they are.

Avoid months and months of telephone talking without actually meeting. You cannot tell if you are attracted to someone until you meet them face to face - cut to the chase as quickly as possible, for your own and their own benefit.

Above all, be savvy and trust your instincts about people. Unfortunately, there are predators on these sites, and no matter how endearing someone may seem, always err on the side of caution until you have experienced getting to know them in a real world sense.

SO hopefully, by now you have enjoyed revamping your profile, or joining up to try your luck. May you, one and all, be blessed to find the love of a lifetime!
What is my online dating story I hear you ask? Ahhh, there is not much to tell, for I found the perceived remoteness of where I live a massive inhibitor to the process actually working. Lots of lovely chats with people, but, when it came to the nitty gritty, no dates. Most gentlemen I met were not really interested in long distance travel to date a girl, and fair enough. I have taken a rest from internet dating myself and now cherish hopes of falling in love the old fashioned way - by trusting the universe to bring me every good thing, and the love that I am worthy of in a perfectly enchanting and serendipitous style. I'll keep you posted !

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