Seasons and Cycles...

For seven years I have been researching and growing my knowledge of astrology for my own pleasure. I never had any intent to practice astrology, until April 2017, when the Universe, three times in succession, actually kicked my butt about doing astrology for others. As such, I now have an operational website, facebook and instagram page hosting articles similar to what you read here, astrology reading services and insights. I'd love you to follow along, if this is your thing. 

As of today, the Life is Like a Sponge Cake blog is now ended, but it's associated facebook page will continue to operate with occasional shared post of inspiration. 

Thank you for your kind support throughout the last six years.

With love, Kesenya

God only knows what I'd be without you .......

Today I caught the Brian Wilson bio pick “Love and Mercy”. Armed with a bag of maltesers, I settled in to my cushy cinema chair to enjoy the wonderful two hour tribute to a life of agony and ecstasy. The world of a supreme genius – the Beethoven of our times, complete with ear deafness issues like the original maestro. From the opening beach scenes to the musical finale, it was a beautiful, and at times incredibly frustrating, experience of the highs and lows of having a creative mind and a gentle soul.

I am no musical virtuoso, and Brian Wilson has more talent in his baby finger than I possess in my whole body, but I was struck by some interesting similarities to myself in the film. I think a truly good film encourages you to identify with the humanity of the story – and “Love and Mercy’ certainly did that.

Without giving away too much, Brian Wilsons life was coloured by some maddeningly controlling and dominating individuals. We’ve all seen people like them…. The passive aggressive, the narcissists, the semi-sociopaths who inflict themselves on the gentle souls who  - through their own lack of life experience or  gentleness of disposition - do not possess the skills to ‘fight back’. People who seek peace, beauty and creativity in the world, railroaded by the self serving, controlling and manipulative. It happens all the time – on a personal level all the way up to a political one. Look at third world countries dominated by patriarchal religions for a global example.

Classic left brained people kept subservient in a right brained world.

But I digress……

Brian Wilson was a man so accustomed to being dominated and controlled from the earliest days of childhood that he (and his brothers) had not developed the skills needed to protect himself. To stand his ground when he needed to. Yet, I wonder if his life had not begun in the pressure cooker of needing to please the unpleasable narcissistic parent, would he have become such a prestigious talent? A creative – absolutely….creativity is a gift – but a complete genius? I guess we may never know…..

Ancient texts oftentimes equate a person’s development to a refining by fire. There are so many fictional and non fictional stories of people with tremendous odds against them – victimised, bullied, outcast or poverty stricken - who become the true successes of our time. The Elvis Presleys (poverty). The Susan Boyles (bullied and outcast). Marilyn Monroes (poverty). Vincent Van Goughs (outcast). Joseph son of Jacob’s (victimised). Stephen Speilbergs (bullied). Kate Winslets (bullied). I wonder if the struggles experienced in their stories refined the ‘gold’ of who they eventually became?

So, I mentioned that Brian Wilson’s story ‘struck a chord’ (pardon the pun) with me. Not so long ago I was told that one of the biggest challenges of my lifetime would be learning to stand up for myself. That my life would be peppered with controlling people and situations that would force me to learn this lesson. And they are so right. My life has been riddled with dominating people and passive aggressives. And I too am like Brian Wilson – in the past I have not possessed the skills to stand up (when required) to people that I hoped to please. People that I longed for approval from, approval I never received, not because I was unworthy, but because they were unable to give it. A gentle, creative soul who wanted the unhappy controlling people to both delight in me, and find happiness themselves.

It’s obvious to me now in hindsight that they were never going to delight in me, or very little else. I drew these people to me – just like Brian seemed to. In some instances I even chose them myself. Ever noticed how we crazily seem to go after exactly what we don’t need in our lives?

However, the ‘standing up for myself’ prediction is proving 100% correct. These people are actually teaching self kindness,  forcing me to get tough about unacceptable behaviour. It is proving a pivotal part of this lifetime’s lessons. Treatment I once tolerated from others, I no longer do. Criticism I once grieved over, now slides off my ducks back. Frozen silences from passive aggressives don’t cause me to bat an eyelid in guilt.

I easily walk away from dates who express criticism of the way I style my hair. I choose to seek advice from friends who want to empower me and offer an objective view, rather than chasing validation unpleasable people. I surround myself with people who know how to respect and show curiosity in my point of view, even while not always agreeing. I am making choices that reflect my values, overflowing  from my growing self-confidence -  I have stepped out of the shade and into the sunshine of who I really am.  

And I have those difficult people to thank.

Sometimes we are rescued, like Brian. Sometimes we are refined through fire and learn how to rescue ourselves, like me.

There is great power within YOU too, if you find yourself trapped in the torment of control, exploited by the callous and self obsessed. You are not alone and you don’t have to stay trapped. Seek support where ever you can – the authorities, a psychologist or councillor, the salvation army or a similar organisation group. Whatever your particular circumstance, you need to know that within you lies all the bravery you need to change your situation. After all,

“There is no triumph without courage”

And deep down everyone has courage – a grain of it is all that it takes to turn your life around.

When what they have done to you begins to overwhelm you with sadness, look at the many people of the world who have overcome and gone onto greatness because of their refining by fire experience…..that same greatness exists in you waiting for freedom and expression.

God only knows what you’d be without them.

How to Write a Word Board

We've all seen word boards in trendy gift shops, or in the homes of our fashionable friends. Often they strike a chord, momentarily inspiring me to live life fuller and richer and truer.

 

And sometimes I'm just 'meh' about what I read. Yeah yeah yeah - I know I need to enjoy the little things, I know I need to think positive thoughts, I know I need to drink more water.

 

These are all good, but generic things and I want more than generic sayings on my precious wall space. Something that resonates. Something that reflects me, my family and our journey. What I really want is something that not only inspires me to the more wondrous heights of a life well lived, but something that can also remind me of the lessons I have learnt and just how far I have come.

 

So I decided it was time to write my own word board.

 

And then I was stuck. How to begin? Yes, I've learnt many life lessons. Yes, I know what those lessons are, but how do I transform all those things into simple, eloquent statements that encourage me?

 

And then I realised it was all about verbs. Action words. Doing things is what gives life momentum and direction. A truly inspirational word board is a call to personal action.

Step One:
 

So. I began to brainstorm every 'doing word' I could find. Simple doing words and ones with a positive vibe - no "Hunger" or "Ache" or "Destroy" doing words on this word board ! I ended up with a long list of pretty concise verbs that, for the most part, I could undertake in small ways each day - asking, giving, seeking, finding, accepting, thinking..... so far so good.  

Step Two:

Then I made a list of the biggest life lessons I have learned and the things I want to implement from those lessons. Lessons like "The purpose of suffering is to find meaning in what you are going through, that it may enhance your future" - gleaned from reading Viktor Frankl.

Or  "Living to make your own self happy, rather than being a martyr to everyone else's happiness" - discovered through my own (early onset) midlife crisis.

Once again I ended up with a list of about 11 important life lessons, ones that had caused me profound change, ones that I wanted to enact in my life from that moment on.

Step Three:

Simplify!

I took my list of action words and began matching some to my list of life lessons. In the process I really simplified their message into short, snappy statements.

The lesson "You and other people deserve the freedom to be themselves, with no judgement or criticism" became "Allow others to be themselves".

The lesson "Make your own informed and well researched decisions about every area of life, rather than simply believing what your are told from the pulpit, lectern, by your boss, co-workers or peers" (it's pretty obvious where these lessons came from!) became "Think for yourself".

My readership are intelligent, so I am sure you get the idea! In no time at all I had formatted a great little word board that I love and am personally inspired by. My next challenge will be to present it artistically on a canvas.....but in the meantime......what's on your word board?

This one's mine.....

 

 

                                                     Accept - this moment

                                                     Find - meaning in your sufferings

                                                     Seek - joy

                                                     Do - what makes you happy

                                                     Know - your heart and follow it

                                                     Think - for yourself

                                                     Focus - on what is good beautiful and kind

                                                     Allow - others to be themselves

                                                     Be - honest about how you feel

                                                     Ask - for what you need

                                                     Give - love

Single Women Are Amazing - here's an example why......

I don't know about where you live, but around these parts there are so many amazing single women, I am constantly inspired. From the single mum who is working fulltime, running a hectic household and still finding time to try and comprehend Minecraft technical difficulties for her ruffle feathered brood - to the astonishingly gifted professional woman doing her career thing in a culturally remote and lonely locality. So amazing are these women that I thought I would share their stories here on Life is Like Spongecake - because these women have most certainly created their own delicious life amidst some pretty tough 'cake'.

 

Our first Super Songecake Gal is the stoic and down to earth Annie Barr, from Behind The Barr Blog, telling her story in her own words.....

 

 

 

In 2009 I moved with my three young sons to the Murray River town of Barham on the NSW/VIC border; I wasn’t planning on staying.

It was meant to be a six to twelve month stopover on my way home to Hay but within six months we’d all fallen in love with the town and the community and my remedial massage therapy business was keeping me busy with fulltime work.

 

Five and a half years later, Barham is well and truly our home.

 

I grew up on my parent’s sheep station, west of Hay in western New South Wales and just assumed I’d one day marry a farmer and emulate the life my parents had, working together on the land and raising a family.

 

For a while my life seemed perfectly on track; while I didn’t marry a farmer, I did fall in love and marry a man who wanted a life in rural Australia. We ran our own rural contracting business, specializing in rural fencing on the vast plains surrounding Hay.

 

We had three sons, a home on a few acres and a successful business in a close-knit rural community.

 

In May 2003 my world came crashing down. Suddenly and without warning, I was a deserted wife, a single mother and our rural contracting business collapsed. My eldest son, Max had just turned five, Sam was three and Henry was only nine months old. It was a pretty tough time in my life.

 

The first few years following my divorce I was kept busy looking after the boys fulltime, earning some money doing part-time bookkeeping and swallowing my pride and accepting the single parent pension.

 

The year Henry started school, I moved all of us to Echuca, Victoria, I wanted to attend college fulltime and retrain as a remedial massage therapist. I needed to get my brain working and financially, stand on my own two feet again. Just over a year later I received my diploma and began my new career in the health profession.

 

Looking back over the last eleven years, I’m really proud of what the boys and I have achieved and feel immensely grateful for the opportunities and good fortune we’ve had.

 

We rent a beautiful old home right on the bank of the river, the boys walk or ride their bikes to the local schools and all enjoy having their friends over and going fishing. I enjoy nothing better than a few hours kayaking along the Murray and nearby Gunbower Creek or heading out on the country roads on my touring bike.

In 2011, after one too many letters to the editor of our local paper, I was invited to write a weekly column and “Behind the Barr” was born. I wrote a 600 – 800 word column every week in The Bridge newspaper for the next couple of years, about local events and whatever was going on in my life at the time.

 

Topics ranged from promoting the local food producers and their monthly farmers market to the serious problem of underage drinking to an amazing trip to England in 2012, accompanying local legend and farmer, Squadron Leader Edgar Pickles. A veteran World War II Lancaster pilot with the RAF’s Bomber Command, Edgar and I attended the unveiling by Queen Elizabeth of the Bomber Command Memorial in Green Park, London.

 

Although I’ve taken a break from writing the column for The Bridge, I still write on my Behind the Barr blogspot… however, I clearly write better with a weekly deadline, my blog posts have become a bit few and far between of late.

 

Column writing introduced me to a whole new world and for the last two years I have attended the National Society of Newspaper Columnists (NSNC) annual conference in the United States.

Writing encouraged me to travel solo overseas for the first time in my life, go to places I never dreamed of visiting and hopefully setting an example for my sons that anything is possible, no matter where you live.

 

At the end of the day, in all the world, there is nowhere I would rather live than Barham. Rural Australia is like that.

Learning to dance again.....

A couple of months ago I took my children along to the local rock n roll dance lessons (I thought it would be a good 'family' thing to do together.) Well, the kids enjoyed it, but an hour was about as much as they could concentrate on and I ended up coming home a bit more frazzled than energised.

 

So, I think I will leave it for a little while longer - just till they get a wee bit older.

 

It has been the biggest mental hurdle I have faced actually - getting back into dancing again. Of all the things I struggled to 'get back on the horse' with, dancing was the main one. Rock and Roll dance lessons were how my ex husband and I dated all those many moons ago.

 

Actually, I'm not sure I am ready to 'partner dance' at this point still. Partner dancing to me has always been a beautiful, close and somewhat intimate thing - no matter if your bopping to Buddy Holly or doing some fiery Latin number. Call me silly and sentimental ( because I guess that's what I am!) but I tend to get a bit lost in the other person when dancing.....maybe it's all those wonderfully romantic 50's movies I watch as a child :)

 

Anyhow, despite the emotional limitations I continue to work through, I still hunger for the enjoyment of music through dance. So - YAY - I'm in a place these days where I feel emotionally able to dance again .....even though it is in a solo capacity. Thank goodness the 50's scene I love caters for that with a little dance called 'The Sex Kitten Stroll' (or in some circles, The Rockabilly Stroll).

 

I really don't know where this dance evolved from, but it is usually executed as a group of women in a line dancing fashion, but with a lot more wiggle!

 

I recently put together a youtube clip for my vintage blog, Alice Jean's, demonstrating how to do this dance (forgive the bad lighting and vagrancies of colour - my shirt was actually emerald green! - it was recorded on my HTC phone). I thought I should share it here on Life is like a Sponge Cake as well, simply because my philosophy that life should be filled with fun and joy lends itself to doing this dance !

Dancing is great exercise, moving joints and muscles that sometimes get overlooked, as well as increasing the heart rate.

Dancing is fabulous for mental health as well - music is well known to elevate or depress ones mood depending on lyrics, style, tempo etc - so choose lessons where your emotional mood will be invigorated...... Pole Dancing, Latin, Burlesque, Swing, Rock 'n Roll, Line Dancing or Ballroom are all good choices.

And if you are into partner dancing then the benefits of touch and closeness are wonderful. Do we ever get held enough?

Dancing provides exhilaration for 3 out of five senses - touch, sight, sound.....and if you or your partner wears a nice cologne or perfume you can add a fourth! Why not make a ritual of supper or drinks afterwards and top it off with a fifth sensory experience. Win, win, win !

 

So, my emotional healing continues to unfold, and solo dancing in my kitchen - sending out those sexy vibes to The Sex Kitten Stroll - not only keeps me fit and energised, but increasingly happy as well.

 

May it do the same for you !

 

Mwah!

 

 

Fabulous Quote Friday

Fabulous Quote Friday

It's OK - A strategy for practising acceptance

 

(Click on the image above for a youtube talk on the topic of acceptance)

 

Forgive me dear friends, but today I am feeling low.

Do you ever get the guilts for feeling down? Like we should be happy and positive all of the time? What is that all about anyway?

Ever since the dawn of time, people have experienced moments of despair, disappointment, frustration and sadness.

Take a look at the famous Psalms of the Bible. Or the ancient book of Ecclesiastes. Honest, real tribulation and lament.

 

I think we do ourselves a huge injustice by not allowing ourselves to feel really really low from time to time.

When my marriage ended, naturally, I was shattered.

 

Burnt out.

 

Dead inside.

 

I was put on anti depressants and I didn't cry for a whole year. I plonked my children in front of the DVD player and slept for twelve months. I put on far too much weight. Does that seem normal?

 

Anti depressants have their place, but I will maintain that I was not depressed. I was exhausted. I was, well, done. What I needed more than a numbing of my brain and emotions, was the chance to grieve.  To let it work through my system and be processed by my body, mind and spirit.

 

To feel low.

 

If we believe we always have to feel happy, is it any wonder we feel guilt when we struggle, or when things don't work out, or when we experience rejection, grief, pain or stress.

 

It really is OK to feel those things.

 

I got off the anti-d's after that year, and I cried ALOT from then on. But it felt soooooo good to cry. It felt real, it felt human.

 

There is beauty in vulnerability, frailty and the grittiness of being human.

 

I never spend weeks in despair - I'm far too busy for that - but I am learning to help myself move through the difficult emotional times by practising acceptance.

 

We need to make room in life for the grittiness. We need to be kind to ourselves and our frail little hearts. Since leaving the anti-d's behind I have been diagnosed with adrenal fatigue - a far better explanation, and a darn good reason why I don't need to numb myself at all, I need to care for myself in every way, instead.

I struggle and I feel low from time to time, and I've found a strategy that helps me so much mentally when I am overcome with low emotions. Here is my little secret, which doesn't prevent the heartaches when they come, but it does help in working it through .....

 

I tell myself its ok.

 

Now, that sounds pretty basic and pretty lame doesn't it? Let me explain.

 

I was riding along in my car, taking my kids to the bus stop one morning and physically shaking from the stress I was experiencing. My mind felt like it would burst with the pressure my thoughts were inflicting on me (mostly with desperate longing for my life to change somehow), and the long list of things I had to accomplish before sunset. I bought to mind my new resolution of self acceptance, and instead of repeating "calm down, calm down, calm down" in my head (which really only made me feel worse - because I couldn't) I told myself this:

 

"It's OK to feel overwhelmed. It's OK to want to change your life."

 

Would you believe that my hands stopped shaking?

 

I kept repeating that statement, and my heart and mind stilled. I kept repeating that phrase throughout the day, and the biggest load just fell off my shoulders.

 

I did nothing more than accept my humanness, and allow myself to want to change. I removed all judgement of myself and my thoughts, and just let myself be me - with whatever thoughts I had.

 

It was so liberating.

 

I still long to change my life somehow. To bring new things in, and let old things go. I still get low days - like today - but I choose to be kind to myself. I choose to allow myself to feel low, and let my mind and body work through it all. To cry if I need to.

 

I tell myself "It's OK" most of the time, and sometimes I forget, but that's OK too! Once I have accepted where I am at, I can focus my mind to new happy, positive thoughts so much better. But I HAVE to begin by accepting myself, my thoughts and feelings before the new positive thoughts have effect.

 

Maybe its just me who needs that. Maybe not. But I want you to know that wherever you are at today, whatever you are struggling with yourself, it's OK to feel the way you do.

 

It is human to feel the way you do.

 

And it is perfectly OK to wish your life was different from what it is.

 

And now you can begin to change it - just like I am (even when I am low)!

Fabulous Quote Friday

The Art of Playfulness

I have a celebrity crush.

Hmmmm, gotta admit, I haven't had one of those since high school. When I think about it, I have always had a crush on someone (real or imagined) or something. Never have I been without an infatuation of some kind.

 

I'm not sure if that is normal or not, but there you go.

 

So, as there is no one real in my life at the moment, I have this 'thing' for the character Wade Kinsella (played by Wilson Bethel) from the show Hart of Dixie. To quote a friend on Pinterest  "Wilson Bethel : Making it less embarrassing to watch Hart of Dixie since 2011"

 

I blame my friend Simone entirely.

 

This summer I had three weeks to myself while the kids were away, and she loaned me series one and two of the show. I have had a bit of a Wade-fest - and loved every minute (embarrassing though it is to have a celebrity crush......so adolescent!)

 

As I am no longer an adolescent, and as we all know, an overthinker, I considered what it is about this character that is so appealing. Everyone describes him as the 'bad boy' of the show, but I honestly think that is a ludicrous description. Bad boy's are pushing illegal drugs on street corners, pimping out women, and generally appear on shows like CSI. Just because someone drives a 1967 Chevrolet Camaro SS, plays guitar and is very popular with the chicks does not make them a bad boy. No, it makes them boyish and playful.

 

Wade is playful.

 

And he is hooked on one girl, although playful with many while she rebuffs him.

 

That is what is attractive about Wade. (And a killer smile might also help - we'll avoid all the shirtless discussions for this article!)

 

Playfulness.

 

It is a beautiful, appealing commodity in a person.

 

I have always been drawn to playful, cheeky, funny people. The class clowns. The guys who will have a dance at a party. Who do (good) impersonations and theatricals. The dude in my high school graphics class who would play air guitar in front of me. The guy who tipped a carton of milk over his head when someone stole his lunch from the lunchroom AGAIN. The boss who dresses up as the Christmas Poo to distribute the Kris Kringle work gifts. The team leader who doesn't take life too seriously and makes the workplace a delight.

 

What a gift people like that are to the world.

As an eldest child, I am a bit - no, a LOT - of a people pleaser. An over achiever. A bit wound up. What I need  in life is to be more playful, and a partner who encourages and helps me to be so.

 

So, while I currently have no one to help me do that, I need to invest in playfulness myself. Would you believe it is actually something of an effort at the moment?

 

An effort to play - what on earth is that all about?

 

Yet I figure that if I experience difficulty - thanks to the stresses and responsibilities of life - then I must not be the only one on the planet caught in the trap.

 

As a Leo, I know playfulness actually does reside within me, and certainly in my early carefree 20's I loved to play, I just need some guidance back into that heart of myself these days.

 

So, here are some motivational ideas for ways I (and YOU!) can play and have fun. Do I need to explain why its necessary to play? Mental health, physical health, emotional health, attractiveness of people who do - four great reasons to get started and have fun now!

 

Ways to be a playful family:

 

1.     Have a board game night every week or fortnight or month. By turning off the TV and interacting playfully you get a big playfulness boost.

 

2.     Be spontaneous and suggest going out for ice cream/pancakes/cheesecake after dinner one evening

 

3.      Get crafty together and have a Mr Maker night – get out your piles of paper, magazines, fabric, glue and sparkles and just create something to represent what you have experienced in your day. If you’re a really enthusiastic parent you could provide certificates for “most creative”, “most colourful”, “most insightful”, “most uplifting” artwork – make sure everyone gets a certificate though  - competitive families are very unattractive. Oh, and make sure everyone helps clean up!

 

4.      Go bike riding, swimming, or for a hit of tennis together

 

5.      Get word magnets for your fridge and create playful sentences

 

6.    Hold an at home trip to the movies complete with tickets, popcorn and make up some crazy pre screening movie trailers and adverts.

 

7.      Have an indoor picnic on a rainy day

 

8.      Get a pet – animals work wonders for making life more loose and playful

 

9.      Join local dance lessons as a family

 

10.   Check out this great blog for more playful family ideas: The Playful Parents 

 

Ways to make your town playful:

1.      Organise a street party

 

2.      Soften your footpaths with fun murals, interactive art, sensory plants, a chalk board that invites comment about a particular topic (see ideas at Candy Chang )  etc

 

3.      Join a flashmob or create a flashmob in your town

 

4.      Funk up your bus stops – think yarn bombing, pop up parks, murals etc

 

5.    Start a neighbourhood ‘summer camp’ or creative kids market in the school holidays (think lemonade stands, toffee stall, child run portrait drawing studio)

 

6.      Install playful public seating

 

7.    Play music in your main street – encourage buskers (students from the local   high school) or evocative music on loudspeaker at certain times of day

 

8.      Hold a town pool ‘dive in movie night’ over summer

 

9.      Put up silly thought bubbles round your town

 

10.   Bake cup cakes to hand out randomly to strangers in the street

 

11.   Fix crumbling infrastructure with Lego

 

12.   Hang a swing randomly anywhere

 

13.   Transform a set of stairs into a piano

 

14. Get some great ideas for keeping the spark and vibrance in your town from the ‘Keep Austin Weird’ campaign and festival in the wonderfully creative city of Austin USA (See Keep Austin Weird Fest) Weirdness is wonderful people and is what makes the world more delightful to be in!

 

Ways to be playful with your partner:

 

1.      Go skinny dipping or night swimming

 

2.      Create your own, ahem, home movie

 

3.    Be bold enough to suggest something different in the bedroom – from role play and dress ups to incorporating food and props. Don’t be boring, people!

 

4.    Act like a child and play games – play adult twister, strip ‘go fish’, have a pillow fight, play hide and seek, throw some jelly in a wading pool – look in your board games cupboard and if there is a way to make any game more ‘adult’ then do so !

 

5.      Have a black tie dinner for two (at home) and wear nothing but black ties (or a hostess apron if you are serving )

 

6.      Lounge in bed together all day long – without feeling guilty about chores and errands

 

7.      Dance provocatively for your partner

 

8.      Send salacious text messages to each other

 

9.    Use lots of playful touch – brushing her hair while you watch tv at night, giving him a foot rub in return etc

 

10.  Flirt in public. Eye winks, playful pinches on the behind, cheeky whispers

 

11. Join latin, burlesque or pole dancing classes

 

12. Invest in some playfulness tools such as the book '10,000 ways to say I Love You' or the board game 'Monogamy'

 

As I said, I am a Leo, and - dare I say it - we are renowned as great lovers - generous, flamboyant, full of fun. So, digging deep, I plan on getting my playfulness back in motion this year, in every way I can.....

 

I'll just playfully leave you with that thought.