Single Women Are Amazing - here's an example why......

I don't know about where you live, but around these parts there are so many amazing single women, I am constantly inspired. From the single mum who is working fulltime, running a hectic household and still finding time to try and comprehend Minecraft technical difficulties for her ruffle feathered brood - to the astonishingly gifted professional woman doing her career thing in a culturally remote and lonely locality. So amazing are these women that I thought I would share their stories here on Life is Like Spongecake - because these women have most certainly created their own delicious life amidst some pretty tough 'cake'.

 

Our first Super Songecake Gal is the stoic and down to earth Annie Barr, from Behind The Barr Blog, telling her story in her own words.....

 

 

 

In 2009 I moved with my three young sons to the Murray River town of Barham on the NSW/VIC border; I wasn’t planning on staying.

It was meant to be a six to twelve month stopover on my way home to Hay but within six months we’d all fallen in love with the town and the community and my remedial massage therapy business was keeping me busy with fulltime work.

 

Five and a half years later, Barham is well and truly our home.

 

I grew up on my parent’s sheep station, west of Hay in western New South Wales and just assumed I’d one day marry a farmer and emulate the life my parents had, working together on the land and raising a family.

 

For a while my life seemed perfectly on track; while I didn’t marry a farmer, I did fall in love and marry a man who wanted a life in rural Australia. We ran our own rural contracting business, specializing in rural fencing on the vast plains surrounding Hay.

 

We had three sons, a home on a few acres and a successful business in a close-knit rural community.

 

In May 2003 my world came crashing down. Suddenly and without warning, I was a deserted wife, a single mother and our rural contracting business collapsed. My eldest son, Max had just turned five, Sam was three and Henry was only nine months old. It was a pretty tough time in my life.

 

The first few years following my divorce I was kept busy looking after the boys fulltime, earning some money doing part-time bookkeeping and swallowing my pride and accepting the single parent pension.

 

The year Henry started school, I moved all of us to Echuca, Victoria, I wanted to attend college fulltime and retrain as a remedial massage therapist. I needed to get my brain working and financially, stand on my own two feet again. Just over a year later I received my diploma and began my new career in the health profession.

 

Looking back over the last eleven years, I’m really proud of what the boys and I have achieved and feel immensely grateful for the opportunities and good fortune we’ve had.

 

We rent a beautiful old home right on the bank of the river, the boys walk or ride their bikes to the local schools and all enjoy having their friends over and going fishing. I enjoy nothing better than a few hours kayaking along the Murray and nearby Gunbower Creek or heading out on the country roads on my touring bike.

In 2011, after one too many letters to the editor of our local paper, I was invited to write a weekly column and “Behind the Barr” was born. I wrote a 600 – 800 word column every week in The Bridge newspaper for the next couple of years, about local events and whatever was going on in my life at the time.

 

Topics ranged from promoting the local food producers and their monthly farmers market to the serious problem of underage drinking to an amazing trip to England in 2012, accompanying local legend and farmer, Squadron Leader Edgar Pickles. A veteran World War II Lancaster pilot with the RAF’s Bomber Command, Edgar and I attended the unveiling by Queen Elizabeth of the Bomber Command Memorial in Green Park, London.

 

Although I’ve taken a break from writing the column for The Bridge, I still write on my Behind the Barr blogspot… however, I clearly write better with a weekly deadline, my blog posts have become a bit few and far between of late.

 

Column writing introduced me to a whole new world and for the last two years I have attended the National Society of Newspaper Columnists (NSNC) annual conference in the United States.

Writing encouraged me to travel solo overseas for the first time in my life, go to places I never dreamed of visiting and hopefully setting an example for my sons that anything is possible, no matter where you live.

 

At the end of the day, in all the world, there is nowhere I would rather live than Barham. Rural Australia is like that.

The Art of Playfulness

I have a celebrity crush.

Hmmmm, gotta admit, I haven't had one of those since high school. When I think about it, I have always had a crush on someone (real or imagined) or something. Never have I been without an infatuation of some kind.

 

I'm not sure if that is normal or not, but there you go.

 

So, as there is no one real in my life at the moment, I have this 'thing' for the character Wade Kinsella (played by Wilson Bethel) from the show Hart of Dixie. To quote a friend on Pinterest  "Wilson Bethel : Making it less embarrassing to watch Hart of Dixie since 2011"

 

I blame my friend Simone entirely.

 

This summer I had three weeks to myself while the kids were away, and she loaned me series one and two of the show. I have had a bit of a Wade-fest - and loved every minute (embarrassing though it is to have a celebrity crush......so adolescent!)

 

As I am no longer an adolescent, and as we all know, an overthinker, I considered what it is about this character that is so appealing. Everyone describes him as the 'bad boy' of the show, but I honestly think that is a ludicrous description. Bad boy's are pushing illegal drugs on street corners, pimping out women, and generally appear on shows like CSI. Just because someone drives a 1967 Chevrolet Camaro SS, plays guitar and is very popular with the chicks does not make them a bad boy. No, it makes them boyish and playful.

 

Wade is playful.

 

And he is hooked on one girl, although playful with many while she rebuffs him.

 

That is what is attractive about Wade. (And a killer smile might also help - we'll avoid all the shirtless discussions for this article!)

 

Playfulness.

 

It is a beautiful, appealing commodity in a person.

 

I have always been drawn to playful, cheeky, funny people. The class clowns. The guys who will have a dance at a party. Who do (good) impersonations and theatricals. The dude in my high school graphics class who would play air guitar in front of me. The guy who tipped a carton of milk over his head when someone stole his lunch from the lunchroom AGAIN. The boss who dresses up as the Christmas Poo to distribute the Kris Kringle work gifts. The team leader who doesn't take life too seriously and makes the workplace a delight.

 

What a gift people like that are to the world.

As an eldest child, I am a bit - no, a LOT - of a people pleaser. An over achiever. A bit wound up. What I need  in life is to be more playful, and a partner who encourages and helps me to be so.

 

So, while I currently have no one to help me do that, I need to invest in playfulness myself. Would you believe it is actually something of an effort at the moment?

 

An effort to play - what on earth is that all about?

 

Yet I figure that if I experience difficulty - thanks to the stresses and responsibilities of life - then I must not be the only one on the planet caught in the trap.

 

As a Leo, I know playfulness actually does reside within me, and certainly in my early carefree 20's I loved to play, I just need some guidance back into that heart of myself these days.

 

So, here are some motivational ideas for ways I (and YOU!) can play and have fun. Do I need to explain why its necessary to play? Mental health, physical health, emotional health, attractiveness of people who do - four great reasons to get started and have fun now!

 

Ways to be a playful family:

 

1.     Have a board game night every week or fortnight or month. By turning off the TV and interacting playfully you get a big playfulness boost.

 

2.     Be spontaneous and suggest going out for ice cream/pancakes/cheesecake after dinner one evening

 

3.      Get crafty together and have a Mr Maker night – get out your piles of paper, magazines, fabric, glue and sparkles and just create something to represent what you have experienced in your day. If you’re a really enthusiastic parent you could provide certificates for “most creative”, “most colourful”, “most insightful”, “most uplifting” artwork – make sure everyone gets a certificate though  - competitive families are very unattractive. Oh, and make sure everyone helps clean up!

 

4.      Go bike riding, swimming, or for a hit of tennis together

 

5.      Get word magnets for your fridge and create playful sentences

 

6.    Hold an at home trip to the movies complete with tickets, popcorn and make up some crazy pre screening movie trailers and adverts.

 

7.      Have an indoor picnic on a rainy day

 

8.      Get a pet – animals work wonders for making life more loose and playful

 

9.      Join local dance lessons as a family

 

10.   Check out this great blog for more playful family ideas: The Playful Parents 

 

Ways to make your town playful:

1.      Organise a street party

 

2.      Soften your footpaths with fun murals, interactive art, sensory plants, a chalk board that invites comment about a particular topic (see ideas at Candy Chang )  etc

 

3.      Join a flashmob or create a flashmob in your town

 

4.      Funk up your bus stops – think yarn bombing, pop up parks, murals etc

 

5.    Start a neighbourhood ‘summer camp’ or creative kids market in the school holidays (think lemonade stands, toffee stall, child run portrait drawing studio)

 

6.      Install playful public seating

 

7.    Play music in your main street – encourage buskers (students from the local   high school) or evocative music on loudspeaker at certain times of day

 

8.      Hold a town pool ‘dive in movie night’ over summer

 

9.      Put up silly thought bubbles round your town

 

10.   Bake cup cakes to hand out randomly to strangers in the street

 

11.   Fix crumbling infrastructure with Lego

 

12.   Hang a swing randomly anywhere

 

13.   Transform a set of stairs into a piano

 

14. Get some great ideas for keeping the spark and vibrance in your town from the ‘Keep Austin Weird’ campaign and festival in the wonderfully creative city of Austin USA (See Keep Austin Weird Fest) Weirdness is wonderful people and is what makes the world more delightful to be in!

 

Ways to be playful with your partner:

 

1.      Go skinny dipping or night swimming

 

2.      Create your own, ahem, home movie

 

3.    Be bold enough to suggest something different in the bedroom – from role play and dress ups to incorporating food and props. Don’t be boring, people!

 

4.    Act like a child and play games – play adult twister, strip ‘go fish’, have a pillow fight, play hide and seek, throw some jelly in a wading pool – look in your board games cupboard and if there is a way to make any game more ‘adult’ then do so !

 

5.      Have a black tie dinner for two (at home) and wear nothing but black ties (or a hostess apron if you are serving )

 

6.      Lounge in bed together all day long – without feeling guilty about chores and errands

 

7.      Dance provocatively for your partner

 

8.      Send salacious text messages to each other

 

9.    Use lots of playful touch – brushing her hair while you watch tv at night, giving him a foot rub in return etc

 

10.  Flirt in public. Eye winks, playful pinches on the behind, cheeky whispers

 

11. Join latin, burlesque or pole dancing classes

 

12. Invest in some playfulness tools such as the book '10,000 ways to say I Love You' or the board game 'Monogamy'

 

As I said, I am a Leo, and - dare I say it - we are renowned as great lovers - generous, flamboyant, full of fun. So, digging deep, I plan on getting my playfulness back in motion this year, in every way I can.....

 

I'll just playfully leave you with that thought.

 

 

30 Ways To Be Kind

 

 

"Our job is not to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world, our job is to raise children who will make world a little less cruel and heartless." LR Knost

 

I was chatting to my favourite barista not long after new year and she informed me that her new years resolution was simply to practise more kindness.

 

How admirable is that?

 

I don't have any resolutions for this year, but I jumped on the idea of creating a list of ways to be kind - to ourselves AND our fellow man.

 

 

SO, WHAT IS KINDNESS?

Wikipedia describes kindness as:

 

"a behaviour marked by ethical characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and concern for others. It is known as a virtue, and recognized as a value in many cultures and religions (see ethics in religion). Research has shown that acts of kindness not only benefit receivers of the kind act, but also the giver, as a result of the release of neurotransmitters responsible for feelings of contentment and relaxation when such acts are committed."

I love that last phrase - that in doing kind deeds to others, we ultimately bless ourselves and our mental health.

Like my happy barista, who encouraged me to consider the virtues of kind deeds, may I pass on the encouragement to make the world a happier, brighter place? Practice joy inducing, contagious, random acts of kindness where ever you can.

Why not challenge yourself to a 'month of kindnesses' by undertaking one of these 30 'good deeds' everyday. You will have formed a new habit, made people smile, and made yourself happier in the process. 

Being Kind To Yourself:

 

Get a massage

Write a love letter to yourself - telling yourself how much you appreciate all your great qualities and achievements

Leave a bad relationship

Cook your favourite dessert as a Saturday night, stay at home treat

 

Outsource jobs you hate - ironing, gardening, washing the car. Someone else can benefit from the added pocket money and responsibility, and you deserve a break!

 

Indulge in a couple of good magazines, lie in a garden or park on a lovely day and enjoy the relaxation!

 

Stay in bed an extra hour, or watch a movie in bed.

 

Start a new class in something you've always been interested in - Yoga? French? Sewing? Computers?

 

Being Kind To Our Families:

Hide notes of encouragement with a little gift of love in your children’s lunch boxes ie. A sticker or a small yo yo

Have a date day with your children – take them out of school for one day and dedicate it to whatever they would like to do most with you

Hold a birthday party for your child's favourite toy

Give your teenager a shoulder rub while you watch a movie together

Run a luxurious bubble bath for your partner – complete with glass of wine, candle and soft music.

Create a date night list (one friend I know made a pinterest board with 52 do-able local date options on it for each week of the year). Let your partner choose his/her favourites and do those.

 

 

Being kind to our communities:

 

Buy a box of doughnuts for a local football team after Thursday night practise

Write a letter of gratitude to an older person in your community who you believe has made a difference

Leave a magazine or book in your favourite café for others to read

Bring some homemade goodies to your workplace for morning tea

Create a ‘free vegie’ box in your favourite local café for people to leave/take or swap their home grown produce

Blow up balloons to hand out to children at your local childcare centre

 

Find out from your local real estate agent who is new in town and visit them with a basket of local produce and a list of services and contact numbers

Being kind to others:

 

By lottery tickets and hand them out randomly in the street

Offer to babysit for a friend for nix

Ask for forgiveness

Mow your neighbours lawn or bring their bins in

Create a ‘friend of the year award’. Do up a certificate or make a trophy for someone who has shown you particular support or love

Pick a massive bunch of flowers from your garden, or wildflowers where appropriate, and give them to a friend/your local shopkeeper/Doctor/ librarian – whoever !

Leave compliments and words of encouragement all over facebook for a day

Invite someone you don’t know so well for dinner or coffee

Leave a box of chocolates in the letter box of someone you appreciate

 

A little bit of kindness spreads a long, long way!