30 Ways To Be Kind

 

 

"Our job is not to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world, our job is to raise children who will make world a little less cruel and heartless." LR Knost

 

I was chatting to my favourite barista not long after new year and she informed me that her new years resolution was simply to practise more kindness.

 

How admirable is that?

 

I don't have any resolutions for this year, but I jumped on the idea of creating a list of ways to be kind - to ourselves AND our fellow man.

 

 

SO, WHAT IS KINDNESS?

Wikipedia describes kindness as:

 

"a behaviour marked by ethical characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and concern for others. It is known as a virtue, and recognized as a value in many cultures and religions (see ethics in religion). Research has shown that acts of kindness not only benefit receivers of the kind act, but also the giver, as a result of the release of neurotransmitters responsible for feelings of contentment and relaxation when such acts are committed."

I love that last phrase - that in doing kind deeds to others, we ultimately bless ourselves and our mental health.

Like my happy barista, who encouraged me to consider the virtues of kind deeds, may I pass on the encouragement to make the world a happier, brighter place? Practice joy inducing, contagious, random acts of kindness where ever you can.

Why not challenge yourself to a 'month of kindnesses' by undertaking one of these 30 'good deeds' everyday. You will have formed a new habit, made people smile, and made yourself happier in the process. 

Being Kind To Yourself:

 

Get a massage

Write a love letter to yourself - telling yourself how much you appreciate all your great qualities and achievements

Leave a bad relationship

Cook your favourite dessert as a Saturday night, stay at home treat

 

Outsource jobs you hate - ironing, gardening, washing the car. Someone else can benefit from the added pocket money and responsibility, and you deserve a break!

 

Indulge in a couple of good magazines, lie in a garden or park on a lovely day and enjoy the relaxation!

 

Stay in bed an extra hour, or watch a movie in bed.

 

Start a new class in something you've always been interested in - Yoga? French? Sewing? Computers?

 

Being Kind To Our Families:

Hide notes of encouragement with a little gift of love in your children’s lunch boxes ie. A sticker or a small yo yo

Have a date day with your children – take them out of school for one day and dedicate it to whatever they would like to do most with you

Hold a birthday party for your child's favourite toy

Give your teenager a shoulder rub while you watch a movie together

Run a luxurious bubble bath for your partner – complete with glass of wine, candle and soft music.

Create a date night list (one friend I know made a pinterest board with 52 do-able local date options on it for each week of the year). Let your partner choose his/her favourites and do those.

 

 

Being kind to our communities:

 

Buy a box of doughnuts for a local football team after Thursday night practise

Write a letter of gratitude to an older person in your community who you believe has made a difference

Leave a magazine or book in your favourite café for others to read

Bring some homemade goodies to your workplace for morning tea

Create a ‘free vegie’ box in your favourite local café for people to leave/take or swap their home grown produce

Blow up balloons to hand out to children at your local childcare centre

 

Find out from your local real estate agent who is new in town and visit them with a basket of local produce and a list of services and contact numbers

Being kind to others:

 

By lottery tickets and hand them out randomly in the street

Offer to babysit for a friend for nix

Ask for forgiveness

Mow your neighbours lawn or bring their bins in

Create a ‘friend of the year award’. Do up a certificate or make a trophy for someone who has shown you particular support or love

Pick a massive bunch of flowers from your garden, or wildflowers where appropriate, and give them to a friend/your local shopkeeper/Doctor/ librarian – whoever !

Leave compliments and words of encouragement all over facebook for a day

Invite someone you don’t know so well for dinner or coffee

Leave a box of chocolates in the letter box of someone you appreciate

 

A little bit of kindness spreads a long, long way!

 

What I learnt from a photoshoot.....

 

 

I'm a chick.

I LOVE pretty things.

 

And I write a vintage blog all about pretty things from times gone by.

 

So it will come as no surprise when I tell you that I recently embarked upon a jaunt into vintage fashion shoot land. I have a wardrobe bursting with wonderful clothing and accessories accumulated from a life time of vintage collecting (I know, I really am soooo lucky), my best friend is a fashion photographer (Brooke Orchard Photography) and I think all my girlfriends are as beautiful as they come. I simply HAD to dabble in life as a stylist at least once in my life.

 

The experience was wonderful. It was one of those occasions where you just KNOW this is something you have to do, and because I was feeling lead to create this project, I was relaxed, organised but unstressed, and I knew that everything would come together.

Isn't that the best feeling in the world?

I have undertaken many projects that should have been a breeze, but because I felt obligated, because I was not experiencing the flow, the 'rightness', the heart guidance of the project - because it was HAVE to rather than need or want to - the projects were fraught with stress, hiccups, and lack of pleasure, beautiful projects though they were.

My foray into a photographic fashion shoot, however, was not that. It was wonderful, and I think, for now, I am a bit hooked !

 

That said, I wasn't all that brilliant at it. It was, after all, my first time. I saw the images in my head, I collected all the models, the clothing, I sourced the venues and the props. I had everything together. But when the day came, I realised I suck at giving direction.

Brooke, my poor photographer friend ended up doubling as hair and make up artist - I knew the look I wanted, and could put it together on my face and hair in my sleep, but I floundered when it came to transforming my contemporary friends into 1960's Bridget Bardot's. Thank goodness I had Brooke to fall back on! And when we were out on location, I know I should have been instructing my friends to 'Stand this way" "Look here" "Smile" "Use this prop", but I didn't. Again, I left interpretation to Brooke and my models.

 

Why?

 

It wasn't because I didn't have ideas. I wasn't because I didn't know what I wanted. It was because I gave in to the feeling of incapability alongside my best friend who is an old hand (a brilliant old hand I might add) at this. Who was I to presume to know how to direct? To help my girlfriends - most of whom had never modelled for anything save their wedding photographs - draw out the best, most character filled expressions and poses that told a story? I am a writer/town planner/social media marketer/landscape gardener (I have dabbled in a lot of things!) but a stylist I have never been. So I depended upon Brooke to take the reigns.

 

That evening, after a massive day and a hot one to boot, relaxing drink in hand, I noticed a quote on my fridge. It made me smile. The Four Agreements.

 

Don Miguel Ruiz wrote the book "The Four Agreements - a practical guide to personal freedom" in 1997, and it has been enlightening people ever since. I have the brief summary of each agreement on my fridge, and it was agreement three that was really leaping out post fashion shoot.

"Don't make assumptions: find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can change your whole life."

 

Yes. That was it. I reflected on my day and realised what I was lacking was the courage to express what I really wanted. I let others take the lead, albeit a little reluctantly I think - they were all counting on me to guide them, and I didn't quite rise to the challenge as well as I could have...this time.

 

Don't we all do this at times though? In our marriages, our workplaces, our friendships, in a million different little ways.

We don't tell our partner we like this or that in the bedroom - we make the assumption that they should know what we like.

We don't ask our children what their favourite meals are, and then get frustrated and angry every night as they fail - AGAIN - to eat the food we have slaved over.

We don't tell our friends we really hate horror movies, and then sit through 'Paranormal Activity - The Marked Ones' scared out of our brain and lamenting the waste of time, money and friendship 'quality time' the experience brought.

We harbour our crazy unrequited loves in our hearts, letting them eat away at our self worth instead of laying it on the line, grieving (or maybe celebrating!) and moving on.

We stew in silence as our work colleagues are praised for work that we did.
 

 

We fail to step up with guidance and instruction at a fashion shoot.

 

 

My goodness friends, none of this is 'wrong'! But it certainly isn't the best way to live our lives.

 

Don Miguel Ruiz was one hundred percent correct when he said this agreement can change your life. If applied early enough it could save a marriage. It could change your love life. It could deepen your relationship with your children. It could get you the job of your dreams, or a promotion at work. Don't wait for others to question you about what you want or how you feel - that often never happens, and believe me, you can waste YEARS of your life waiting for it to. For your husband to come to his senses and start showing an interest in YOU and what you would like to do for a holiday. What you enjoy in the bedroom. What you would like to do together outside the bedroom. How you feel about the relationship.

 

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.

 

 

You can change your life.

 

As you can see, we DID capture some amazing images the day of our photo shoot. And despite my lack of directional confidence, the day was thrilling - fun, happy, worthwhile. New friendships were formed. New lessons learnt. New talents unleashed. We did great.

 

Next time I will know so much more. Next time I will have knowledge and guidance to share. Next time I will speak up, be heard, create more confidently.

 

And everyone on our photo shoot expeditions in the future can only benefit from that.



 

 



One thing I have learnt from my children.....

 

 

Growing up I recall the merits of unconditional love spruiked from the pulpit, school assembly and drying dishes with my mum at the kitchen sink.

 

"God's love is unconditional, and we should love one another in the same way" I would hear.

 

And it struck a chord. After all, I wanted to be loved unconditionally - for someone to care for and be captivated by me regardless of the times when I muffed things or was less than stellar. Of course it made sense that I should endeavour to love other people in exactly the same way as I wished to be loved. The classic golden rule at play in the world once again

 

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" (1)

 

And so I set about to love others unconditionally. It was easy to love my family unconditionally - they are family after all. My brother might tease, my sister might argue, my parents might be (in my opinion) overly strict, but gosh darn it, I loved them all anyway - nothing they ever did in their humanness was more than my love for them could handle in the long term. I was fortunate like that. Not everyone has the privilege of saying the same thing about their families.

 

However, loving others unconditionally was, and is, in varying degrees, hard. People  disappoint. People let you down. People hurt. And people wound. For anyone who was not family, it proved a challenge to release and let go at the times when those things occurred.

 

But I tried.

 

And still do.

 

And always will.

 

I believe it is the goal, the standard, the ultimate way to live hard though it might be.

 

So, when my little ones arrived in my life with a flush of pleasurable tugging at my heart strings and wrapping me around their chubby little baby fingers, I felt that loving them unconditionally would be a heady delight for the rest of my days.

 

Life has wound its way along as a parent for the greater part of a decade now, and after so many moons, my unconditional love has begun to drown in the sea of urgency, expectations and standards that perhaps are not what little hearts and minds most need. Nothing brought this home to me more harshly than the end of the recent school term.

 

For the millionth time I was yelling at my children about something insignificant in the great scheme of things - the apple cores left strewn all over the lounge room, the missing school boots with ten minutes to spare before we left to catch the bus, or the spilt tub of yoghurt in front of the television ('How many times have I told you NOT to eat on the carpet?!!!!!') I was the ogre from hell - some might say justifiably - but an ogre none the less. Not the calm patient mother I had always imagined I would be. And as I reached snapping point this particular day, I retreated to my bed room for my own 2 minutes 'time out' to re-group and recover from, I hate to confess it, my desire to either slit my wrists or run away and never come back.

 

I was wishing I had never had my children.

 

I was hating my life.

 

Where had all my unconditional love for my babies gone? I detested them at that moment.

 

It was at this juncture that my children, who had been yelled at by a stressed, overwrought mother who wished them a million miles away, tiptoed gently into my room and wrapped their arms around me, whispering, "We love you mummy, we're so sorry we made you sad."

 

It was a dangerous move.

 

I could very well have exploded into "Have you picked up those apple cores yet you messy kids?!!" (It could have been one of those 'regret it later' situations - and if you are a parent, don't deny it - we all have them!)

 

But I didn't react that way. I was, really, too flabbergasted. The risk those kids took to come into my room and say those words, considering the state I was in, was enormous. It could have backfired horribly for them. The complete lack of love they had been receiving from me only minutes prior, turned into a mother speechless, teary and full of hugs for these amazing little souls.

 

I had always thought I was supposed to be the one to teach my children what unconditional love looked like. In that moment, I realised the majority of the time it is my children who demonstrate the most unconditional love in my little family, by a long shot. My children, much more than me, know what it is to love unconditionally - regardless of the grumpiness I dish out, the impatience, the irritability, the downright unattractiveness of their mother - they love me anyway.

 

I am humbled.

 

Completely humbled by this revelation.

 

I guess, when I was a child, I was the same way towards my parents too. And I have no doubt that little children in the most horrific of families, in the beginning possess love for their parents as well. I might even go so far as to suggest that even Hitler probably started out as a loving baby, who through various life experiences turned into a monster. I believe unconditional love is wired into children, and a double dose goes to blessed children who are raised in safe, nurturing homes.

 

This is why I really struggle with those old fashioned conservative religious types who believe everyone is born sinful or bad. (A BIG topic for another time) My observation is continually the opposite. My kids are just exploding with love. Sometimes it needs guiding. Sometimes its expression is a bit skewed. But deep down, love is at their core. We are 'made in God's image' (2). We are the stuff of the universe and in every corner of our soul exists love, or the potential for it, especially in the very beginning .....

 

"for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God" (3)

 

That day as we shared a quick cuddle before racing off to the bus, I received an altered vision of the world. The yoghurt could be cleaned up. The school boots could be replaced for the day with some black converse sand shoes. The apple cores were not going to cause world war three if they remained on the lounge room floor for a few minutes longer. But my children deserved love no matter the circumstances. No matter my aggravated state of mind. No matter what.

 

Sweet relief to me, I realised that my children's presence in grumpy mummies' bedroom that morning meant good things too. It meant that deep down, my children know that they are loved unconditionally. Phew ! 

 

 

 

(1)      Luke 6:31

(2)     Genesis 1:27

(3)     1 John 4:7

Wet Rainy School Holidays........

If you are a Mum you will relate. It's pouring rain, the kids have been couped up inside for almost two weeks of school holidays. They have watched every age appropriate DVD your library contains, and you are seriously considering playing the others. Your computer keyboard wont function properly due to the remnants of bread roll caught between the keys from your sons venture online with Wow Wow Wubsie games, (the state of my keyboard at this very moment) the lounge room floor is littered with popcorn and leggo, and the grizzling, fighting and complaining puts you in very near need of a straitjacket. What do you do????

All of a sudden, in a flash of inspiration, it's SUPER MUMMY to the rescue. Seizing three old t-shirts, you tell your wee ones that today is super hero day and they will need to design on paper their super hero outfit. The whining and fighting stops. They sit down at the kitchen table and draw diligently for 10 minutes. (This in itself is a miracle as the children have the attention span of a Crusty Demons of Dirt Biking fan at the latest screening of Jayne Eyre). OK, you now have three hilarious costume designs, and the children are majorly intrigued by Super Mummies antics as she swiftly cuts out various satin colours from her stash and deftly aplicays them onto the t-shirts in desperate next-to-no-timedness.

All at once, out of no where appear 'Star Boy' in a blaze of blue t-shirt, red satin star on front and gorgeous streaming red satin cape. 'Green Darcy' flies in with a spiral logo in electric blue satin on the front of his long sleeve apple green t-shirt. And' Rainbow Girl' arrives with outstretched flying arm in her tri-coloured rainbow on pink t-shirt with apple green satin cape.

Super Mummy is blown away by the creativity of her children - in particular 3 year old Rainbow Girl who cries out "Rainbow Girl to the rescue" thrusting her fist into the air and zooming off to save 'Petal' her teddy. Talk about one hilarious way to fill in most of a day, and the children spent the remainder of the day playing super hero's. Which was just as well, because Super Mummy was very much in need of an Earl Grey Tea and a magazine......

Stay tuned for more adventures in the next exciting episode of Super Mummy and rainbow Girl !!