God only knows what I'd be without you .......

Today I caught the Brian Wilson bio pick “Love and Mercy”. Armed with a bag of maltesers, I settled in to my cushy cinema chair to enjoy the wonderful two hour tribute to a life of agony and ecstasy. The world of a supreme genius – the Beethoven of our times, complete with ear deafness issues like the original maestro. From the opening beach scenes to the musical finale, it was a beautiful, and at times incredibly frustrating, experience of the highs and lows of having a creative mind and a gentle soul.

I am no musical virtuoso, and Brian Wilson has more talent in his baby finger than I possess in my whole body, but I was struck by some interesting similarities to myself in the film. I think a truly good film encourages you to identify with the humanity of the story – and “Love and Mercy’ certainly did that.

Without giving away too much, Brian Wilsons life was coloured by some maddeningly controlling and dominating individuals. We’ve all seen people like them…. The passive aggressive, the narcissists, the semi-sociopaths who inflict themselves on the gentle souls who  - through their own lack of life experience or  gentleness of disposition - do not possess the skills to ‘fight back’. People who seek peace, beauty and creativity in the world, railroaded by the self serving, controlling and manipulative. It happens all the time – on a personal level all the way up to a political one. Look at third world countries dominated by patriarchal religions for a global example.

Classic left brained people kept subservient in a right brained world.

But I digress……

Brian Wilson was a man so accustomed to being dominated and controlled from the earliest days of childhood that he (and his brothers) had not developed the skills needed to protect himself. To stand his ground when he needed to. Yet, I wonder if his life had not begun in the pressure cooker of needing to please the unpleasable narcissistic parent, would he have become such a prestigious talent? A creative – absolutely….creativity is a gift – but a complete genius? I guess we may never know…..

Ancient texts oftentimes equate a person’s development to a refining by fire. There are so many fictional and non fictional stories of people with tremendous odds against them – victimised, bullied, outcast or poverty stricken - who become the true successes of our time. The Elvis Presleys (poverty). The Susan Boyles (bullied and outcast). Marilyn Monroes (poverty). Vincent Van Goughs (outcast). Joseph son of Jacob’s (victimised). Stephen Speilbergs (bullied). Kate Winslets (bullied). I wonder if the struggles experienced in their stories refined the ‘gold’ of who they eventually became?

So, I mentioned that Brian Wilson’s story ‘struck a chord’ (pardon the pun) with me. Not so long ago I was told that one of the biggest challenges of my lifetime would be learning to stand up for myself. That my life would be peppered with controlling people and situations that would force me to learn this lesson. And they are so right. My life has been riddled with dominating people and passive aggressives. And I too am like Brian Wilson – in the past I have not possessed the skills to stand up (when required) to people that I hoped to please. People that I longed for approval from, approval I never received, not because I was unworthy, but because they were unable to give it. A gentle, creative soul who wanted the unhappy controlling people to both delight in me, and find happiness themselves.

It’s obvious to me now in hindsight that they were never going to delight in me, or very little else. I drew these people to me – just like Brian seemed to. In some instances I even chose them myself. Ever noticed how we crazily seem to go after exactly what we don’t need in our lives?

However, the ‘standing up for myself’ prediction is proving 100% correct. These people are actually teaching self kindness,  forcing me to get tough about unacceptable behaviour. It is proving a pivotal part of this lifetime’s lessons. Treatment I once tolerated from others, I no longer do. Criticism I once grieved over, now slides off my ducks back. Frozen silences from passive aggressives don’t cause me to bat an eyelid in guilt.

I easily walk away from dates who express criticism of the way I style my hair. I choose to seek advice from friends who want to empower me and offer an objective view, rather than chasing validation unpleasable people. I surround myself with people who know how to respect and show curiosity in my point of view, even while not always agreeing. I am making choices that reflect my values, overflowing  from my growing self-confidence -  I have stepped out of the shade and into the sunshine of who I really am.  

And I have those difficult people to thank.

Sometimes we are rescued, like Brian. Sometimes we are refined through fire and learn how to rescue ourselves, like me.

There is great power within YOU too, if you find yourself trapped in the torment of control, exploited by the callous and self obsessed. You are not alone and you don’t have to stay trapped. Seek support where ever you can – the authorities, a psychologist or councillor, the salvation army or a similar organisation group. Whatever your particular circumstance, you need to know that within you lies all the bravery you need to change your situation. After all,

“There is no triumph without courage”

And deep down everyone has courage – a grain of it is all that it takes to turn your life around.

When what they have done to you begins to overwhelm you with sadness, look at the many people of the world who have overcome and gone onto greatness because of their refining by fire experience…..that same greatness exists in you waiting for freedom and expression.

God only knows what you’d be without them.

What I learnt from a photoshoot.....

 

 

I'm a chick.

I LOVE pretty things.

 

And I write a vintage blog all about pretty things from times gone by.

 

So it will come as no surprise when I tell you that I recently embarked upon a jaunt into vintage fashion shoot land. I have a wardrobe bursting with wonderful clothing and accessories accumulated from a life time of vintage collecting (I know, I really am soooo lucky), my best friend is a fashion photographer (Brooke Orchard Photography) and I think all my girlfriends are as beautiful as they come. I simply HAD to dabble in life as a stylist at least once in my life.

 

The experience was wonderful. It was one of those occasions where you just KNOW this is something you have to do, and because I was feeling lead to create this project, I was relaxed, organised but unstressed, and I knew that everything would come together.

Isn't that the best feeling in the world?

I have undertaken many projects that should have been a breeze, but because I felt obligated, because I was not experiencing the flow, the 'rightness', the heart guidance of the project - because it was HAVE to rather than need or want to - the projects were fraught with stress, hiccups, and lack of pleasure, beautiful projects though they were.

My foray into a photographic fashion shoot, however, was not that. It was wonderful, and I think, for now, I am a bit hooked !

 

That said, I wasn't all that brilliant at it. It was, after all, my first time. I saw the images in my head, I collected all the models, the clothing, I sourced the venues and the props. I had everything together. But when the day came, I realised I suck at giving direction.

Brooke, my poor photographer friend ended up doubling as hair and make up artist - I knew the look I wanted, and could put it together on my face and hair in my sleep, but I floundered when it came to transforming my contemporary friends into 1960's Bridget Bardot's. Thank goodness I had Brooke to fall back on! And when we were out on location, I know I should have been instructing my friends to 'Stand this way" "Look here" "Smile" "Use this prop", but I didn't. Again, I left interpretation to Brooke and my models.

 

Why?

 

It wasn't because I didn't have ideas. I wasn't because I didn't know what I wanted. It was because I gave in to the feeling of incapability alongside my best friend who is an old hand (a brilliant old hand I might add) at this. Who was I to presume to know how to direct? To help my girlfriends - most of whom had never modelled for anything save their wedding photographs - draw out the best, most character filled expressions and poses that told a story? I am a writer/town planner/social media marketer/landscape gardener (I have dabbled in a lot of things!) but a stylist I have never been. So I depended upon Brooke to take the reigns.

 

That evening, after a massive day and a hot one to boot, relaxing drink in hand, I noticed a quote on my fridge. It made me smile. The Four Agreements.

 

Don Miguel Ruiz wrote the book "The Four Agreements - a practical guide to personal freedom" in 1997, and it has been enlightening people ever since. I have the brief summary of each agreement on my fridge, and it was agreement three that was really leaping out post fashion shoot.

"Don't make assumptions: find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can change your whole life."

 

Yes. That was it. I reflected on my day and realised what I was lacking was the courage to express what I really wanted. I let others take the lead, albeit a little reluctantly I think - they were all counting on me to guide them, and I didn't quite rise to the challenge as well as I could have...this time.

 

Don't we all do this at times though? In our marriages, our workplaces, our friendships, in a million different little ways.

We don't tell our partner we like this or that in the bedroom - we make the assumption that they should know what we like.

We don't ask our children what their favourite meals are, and then get frustrated and angry every night as they fail - AGAIN - to eat the food we have slaved over.

We don't tell our friends we really hate horror movies, and then sit through 'Paranormal Activity - The Marked Ones' scared out of our brain and lamenting the waste of time, money and friendship 'quality time' the experience brought.

We harbour our crazy unrequited loves in our hearts, letting them eat away at our self worth instead of laying it on the line, grieving (or maybe celebrating!) and moving on.

We stew in silence as our work colleagues are praised for work that we did.
 

 

We fail to step up with guidance and instruction at a fashion shoot.

 

 

My goodness friends, none of this is 'wrong'! But it certainly isn't the best way to live our lives.

 

Don Miguel Ruiz was one hundred percent correct when he said this agreement can change your life. If applied early enough it could save a marriage. It could change your love life. It could deepen your relationship with your children. It could get you the job of your dreams, or a promotion at work. Don't wait for others to question you about what you want or how you feel - that often never happens, and believe me, you can waste YEARS of your life waiting for it to. For your husband to come to his senses and start showing an interest in YOU and what you would like to do for a holiday. What you enjoy in the bedroom. What you would like to do together outside the bedroom. How you feel about the relationship.

 

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.

 

 

You can change your life.

 

As you can see, we DID capture some amazing images the day of our photo shoot. And despite my lack of directional confidence, the day was thrilling - fun, happy, worthwhile. New friendships were formed. New lessons learnt. New talents unleashed. We did great.

 

Next time I will know so much more. Next time I will have knowledge and guidance to share. Next time I will speak up, be heard, create more confidently.

 

And everyone on our photo shoot expeditions in the future can only benefit from that.



 

 



Why is life "like a sponge cake"?

 

 

 

 

Good question !

 

Many summers ago, my marriage fell apart.

 

Fifty precent of them do. Its nothing new. Nothing extraordinary even. It is actually very very average, common and identifiable.

 

My ex husband is not a bad person.

 

I am not a bad person.

 

We were young when we married and wound up existing in a very unhealthy, un-nourishing relationship in which neither of us was happy.

 

I was the one who ended it.

 

There are many more gory details, but that is the crux of it. The foundation.

 

In all our impassioned discussions as the end drew nigh, I felt myself going around and around in attempts to explain the kind of love I needed in my life.

 

Books like "The Five Love Languages" and "His Needs Her Needs" (Both fabulous - I recommend them) were prompts to help me spell out what I felt was missing in my life.

 

I tried using plain language such as "I need words of appreciation to feel valued".

 

I tried demonstrating what I needed, giving constant words of praise and encouragement, and other loving gestures that fitted with recommendations in "The Five Love Languages" and "His Needs Her Needs". 

 

I tried I tried I tried.

 

I tried too hard.

 

Nothing resonated for the man I had loved with all my being, and who I wished would love me that way in return.

 

He was miserable. He couldn't hear what I was trying to communicate, no matter what format I presented it in.

 

And so, finally, broken in a way I didn't know people could be, I left, completely dead towards my marriage of ten years.

 

As I drove away, I felt a weight fall from my shoulders that was almost tangible. Sweet relief from a life of trying. It just shouldn't be THAT hard!

 

Not long after, I settled into my new digs in the town where I was born, and an analogy occurred to me that was so simple, so straightforward, so, well, sweet, that I have chosen to use it to define what I want my life to be ever since.

 

 

"Life is like a sponge cake"

 

 

I enjoy baking cakes, and I grew up in the country, where loaded dance hall supper tables groaned under the weight of ginger fluff sponges, cream filled pastry mushrooms, chocolate and strawberry lamingtons, and scrumptious scones. Egg and lettuce sandwiches, hedgehog slices and home made chocolate éclairs. Being a ravenous child in 1980's country Australia was awesome !

 

Have you ever eaten a true, country sponge cake? If not you haven't really lived, and if you have, then you will know just what I am talking about in the next paragraph.....

 

Cake. Feathery light. Thick as a wedge. Melt in your mouth.

 

But I would never, ever eat the cake part just on its own.

 

Never.

 

The cake part without the jam and cream in the middle, and the icing on the top would have been a flat out disappointment - not worth the eating at all. To have a sponge without embellishment would have been stingy, mean, and totally undesirable. They may be, proportionally, the smallest components of a good sponge, but you NEED the jam, you NEED the cream, you NEED the icing to make it worthwhile.

 

And it is the same with life.

 

The cake makes up the bulk of life - the work, the toil, the duty, the responsibilities on which existence rests. The mowing of the lawn, the cooking of the dinner, the raising of the kids, the paying of the bills. Its inescapable. They are the practical parts of life.

 

The jam and cream and icing make up the parts of life that are worth savouring - the deliciousness, the sweetness, the mmmmm's and ahhhh's and hungry delights. The cuddles and kisses and cheeky pinches on the backside, the winks and "You are so hot babe" comments, the notes in a lunch box, the racy text messages, the loving glances across a crowded room, the date nights, the words of praise and appreciation, the times spent together for the total sake of being with the one you love.

 

All that in the middle and on top of the 'cake' of life.

 

Am I right when I say, YOU wouldn't want to eat a life that was devoid of the jam and cream and icing?

 

Neither would I.

 

And I didn't.

 

And I wont.

 

These days, I supply my own jam, cream and icing. I go on dates with myself - to my favourite café, to the movies, or a bike ride in the country, or a pamper night at home. My house is decorated with loving affirmations to remind me how valuable I am. I treasure myself and treat myself lovingly and well - healthy food, time out, exercise time, creative time, social time. I am giving myself as much sponge cake embellishment as I can manage - because, you know, life is just to darn short to forgo all the deliciousness that is waiting to be experienced.

 

My marriage my be over, and I wont go into another relationship devoid of jam, cream and icing ever again, but that doesn't mean I cant have those things in single person format right now. No life should miss out on tasty goodness.

 

And so, it is my wish that those who read this blog be encouraged to know a life rich with ginger fluff embellishments, and may your sponge cake be savoured with every delicious mouthful!

The Perils of Internet Dating - Top tips for the Unaware

Pretty much any single homo sapien in the first world is shopping for love online today. I have been browsing around a couple of sites for two or so years now, and have become reasonably well versed in what you will find online, and at this point, in all honesty, a little discouraged as well.

OK. So I am attracted to interesting, creative, arts and culture types. Let me clarify that my online dating experience is coloured by that fact. No doubt many men felt similarly disillusioned by my profile !

Its just that so many profiles read EXACTLY the same as each other - wanting to find someone fun, being into all the usual run of the mill stuff (football, eating out, reading the paper/news online), and more often than not, sporting a really unappealing image. (See above!)


Where are all the diverse gems of blokes (and no doubt women too) in this world of billions?


How do you put 'your best face forward' in the online haystack of internet dating?

 

The following is my advice for a really appealing 'gem like' profile, for what its worth:
 

 

One : Usually, online Gems will have a clear, smiling profile picture.

No bathroom selfies in sight.

No (terminator style) sunglasses covering your face or pictures of your back in a tropical location.

No shirtless dudes or skimpily clad gals (it smacks of ego).

No pictures of you with your ex or heaven forbid, on your last wedding day!

Just a friendly, approachable, well taken photo.

(To any prospective online dating wannabe's, think about getting someone to take some pro photos for you - you are marketing yourself in a chronically visualised society after all.)
 

Two : Have a written profile that reads well, is honest and sincere.

Again, if writing is not your forte, it is worth seeking out a friend who can help you compile a written presentation. There are many lovely people don't know how to put words together well, and online profiles can be quite unforgiving in this way. Look for ways to avoid any disadvantage in this area.

Don't talk about walking on beaches at sunset (eye roll).

Or liking to have fun (who doesn't?).

Or wanting to find someone to share your life with (hello - why else would you be here, unless your after a quick fling - and if you are, be sure to say so. There is nothing wrong with that, but PLEASE be sure to market yourself as such, so that you attract similarly minded people and avoid breaking any hearts....)

Talk about what fills you with passion - be it renovating or great philosophers or Woody Allen films...... tell the people specifically about YOU. Your written profile is where you share about your love of pig hunting (not your profile picture). You want to find someone who connects with who you are, so tell them about your love of obscure rockabilly music, escargot or visits to tibetan monasteries, and you never know - that might be the spark to a flame! 

Please, don't leave the written profile part blank, or filled with the phrase "I don't know what to write".......insert your favourite meaningful song lyrics or poem that seems appropriate if you absolutely cannot think what to say.

 

Three : If you are searching for love, give people a chance.

Leave your preconceived ideas behind and step out of your comfort zone in a virtual sense. 

Make the first move.

Be resilient and pick yourself up if you get a rebuff.

The world is a massive gourmet feast of people. Finding connection, intimacy and love is the greatest quest you will undertake. It is meant to be an adventure - if it was easy, we would quickly become complacent. Because it is a challenge to find our true love, doesn't it make it all the more precious and worth the trying? 

 

Four: Play it safe in a real world sense.

Only meet for coffee for a first date, and allow yourself an 'out' if things arnt going well.

Be brave enough to leave early, or be straightforward if a person does not match up to their online photograph or write up.

You deserve the very best, so be assertive if people are not who they have lead you to believe they are.

Avoid months and months of telephone talking without actually meeting. You cannot tell if you are attracted to someone until you meet them face to face - cut to the chase as quickly as possible, for your own and their own benefit.

Above all, be savvy and trust your instincts about people. Unfortunately, there are predators on these sites, and no matter how endearing someone may seem, always err on the side of caution until you have experienced getting to know them in a real world sense.

 

 

SO hopefully, by now you have enjoyed revamping your profile, or joining up to try your luck. May you, one and all, be blessed to find the love of a lifetime!
 

What is my online dating story I hear you ask? Ahhh, there is not much to tell, for I found the perceived remoteness of where I live a massive inhibitor to the process actually working. Lots of lovely chats with people, but, when it came to the nitty gritty, no dates. Most gentlemen I met were not really interested in long distance travel to date a girl, and fair enough. I have taken a rest from internet dating myself and now cherish hopes of falling in love the old fashioned way - by trusting the universe to bring me every good thing, and the love that I am worthy of in a perfectly enchanting and serendipitous style. I'll keep you posted !

Handsome Pool Man and The Curse Of Attractive Men

Water is delicious, the way it eases hot skin on a summers day. Dipping into a cool pool brings all sorts of sensory delights to the body. Such was the heady condition I was in as I clocked up 20 laps one steamy December morning.

I like swimming when the pool is not crowded with rowdy school children  - it is a great thinking space. And when it is crowded with school children, well, it is a good lesson in mindfulness and focusing beyond ones circumstances ( I always need more practise at that !!)

Alone with my thoughts, I finished lap 8 and noticed the most handsome man entering the pool at the other end. Gosh, I have no idea what age he was (the older I get the more I seem to have a diminished capacity to pick peoples age brackets) but he looked like the proverbial Greek or Roman god. Tall, lean and very very fit. In my heightened state of swimming awareness, it was a fascination to observe how I reacted to this man’s presence at the pool.

I went from happily scooting along in my lane, smiling at people at the other end when I reached it, to total avoidance. I couldn’t look this man in the face. I pretended he didn’t exist. When I reached an end he was at, I would swing around immediately and start back without stopping to pause. I felt ashamed of being seen without make-up on, embarrassed by my pale, un-pool-goddess-like skin, and hair bedraggled by the water. I felt unnerved and distracted by his very presence at the pool.  It really was very strange.

Later that day when talking with my dear girlfriend and confidant Brooke, I mentioned this crazy episode and my most bizarre reaction. We shared a laugh, and the commonality that we both couldn’t quite cope with people we were attracted to appearance wise. That when we found ourselves very attracted to a good looking man, we bolted!

How sad this must be for the very handsome.

I’m serious.

Imagine people ignoring you, not smiling at you or not being friendly. You may never quite realise why and just assume most people are rude, and that the world is an aggressive place.

My girlfriend Brooke is a fine female example. A breathtakingly stunning woman, but of quite a humble and shy disposition, Brooke has never had many female friends, we assume for this very reason. Other women felt threatened by her beauty. It is only now, in her late 30’s that she is developing more quality female alliances, largely because by this age, women are (hopefully) developing the maturity to treasure people for their inner qualities, rather than seeing the beauty of others as a threat to themselves.

But back to my very handsome pool man and my need to bolt and avoid when I was attracted to someone. Do men behave this way over women? Somehow, I kind of doubt it.

Some time ago I met a man whom I thought was quite ‘spunky’ – to coin a lame phrase from my youth. In fact, he was just so attractive, for the first time in my life I experienced the weak at the knees phenomenon.  I had to lean against a nearby wall to keep from collapsing. Again, very strange. When did I start to become so physically affected by another human beings presence?

However, lucky for me I hadn’t long ended a rather unfortunate and short lived relationship. I was feeling quite strong, independent and free. This, to my great good fortune, enabled me to be relaxed and pretty much myself, despite my jelly knees. The first few times I bumped into Mr Uber Cool, I was my happy conversational best, and would usually come out of each encounter feeling like I held my intellectual own and, basically, glad I didn’t do anything embarrassing.  Falling to the floor in a jelly like mess would be a good example.

That was the first few encounters.

Unfortunately, as the encounters – and my interest in getting to know this person - increased, so did my sense of reclose and shutting down. My whole body language changed. I would sit hunched over my coffee – classic ‘please don’t hurt me, I’ve been hurt too much already’ defensiveness. I guarded my conversation more and more, and then beat myself up after each interaction, for what I perceived as ‘embarrassing statements’ that made me appear shallow or judgemental. I over analysed my appearance – and as I dress quite non contemporarily for a country community – more Brunswick Street, Fitzroy than Chadstone Shopping Centre - I developed some perceived ‘legitimate’ reasons a very cool person wouldn’t find me attractive. You can imagine that after months of this sort of rubbish, I had gone from being strong, independent and free to an insecure jellyfish, too caught up in my own head.  Is it any wonder Mr Uber Cool just wasn’t interested – Maybe I should have grabbed him and had a quick roll in the hay the first moment I met him, then pushed on to more freedom, independence and strength. I way over think everything.

Ugh! What to do? If I am unable to relax around guys I am attracted to, the odds of a future relationship are pretty low. 

Settle for men who are interested in me, but whom my heart doesn’t race for? No. I just don’t have that in me.

Prep my mind for a lifetime of loneliness. Hmmm, probably the more likely scenario, but not a very appealing one.

Learn the art of assertion so I can just grab an attractive man and go wild? Well, as a naturally bubbly, but introverted type, I just can’t see it happening. It’s not me. I just can’t be who I’m not, simply to stave off loneliness. Besides, after my marriage, in which I made the majority of relational and emotional effort, I kind of hope someone will find me attractive enough to ask me out on a date. I want a man who is the pursuer this time.

I honestly don’t think self esteem is the concern – I totally have the confidence to wear full 50’s or 60’s regalia whenever the mood strikes me, and with absolutely everyone else in the world, I am at ease…… it is only around men who I wish would desire me that everything flounders. And therein, I think, lies my answer.

I – like many many millions of women around the world – feel unworthy of an appealing man loving me. And after only one failed long term relationship, I am petrified, absolutely petrified, of stuffing things up again. Of burning myself out trying to be good enough, loving enough, beautiful enough, intelligent enough and on and on it goes.

So there you go, the reason is simple enough. Feeling unworthy of the men I desire, yet at the same time wishing for that great intimacy we all crave.

But what is the solution?

I need to retrain my brain to overcome this very debilitating and limiting belief. To become a woman who truly knows she is worthy of good things happening to her. Worthy of acceptance, of warmth, of being desired, of being known and appreciated and loved, just the way she is. It is a worthy goal.

And so begins my journey of brain changing affirmations to alter the way I think - about myself and about the relationships I deserve. Affirmations such as these:

“I am a wonderful person capable of love and great success”

Or

“I am willing to release the need to be unworthy. I am worthy of the very best in life, and I now lovingly allow myself to accept it”

My strategy is to repeat these statements as many times as I need to throughout each day, until all unworthiness (misnamed by some as lack of confidence) is left behind.

Where this limiting belief has come from I really don’t know. Honestly, it could be something as insignificant as not receiving what I had asked for off Santa and therefore, concluding that I wasn’t worthy, or good enough, to get it. Or is could be the result of my past experiences with men. Who honestly knows? Bottom line is, the limiting belief has got to go, regardless of where it came from.
 

So, I do know where my beliefs are headed now. It may take days, weeks, months or years, but in the end I will be fully enabled to have a beautiful relationship – because it is what I deserve, and because it is what I will know deep down in my spirit that I deserve.

In the meantime, I chose to leave the pool man swimming his laps, enjoyed the handsome eye candy he brought into my day, and walked out of the swim centre into a new way of thinking. It is a new era. Bring on the ‘spunky’ men!

A time for romance

There is a lot of debate in my household regarding the value of Valentines Day. Seen in the light of modern materialism, it is easy to wipe it off as just another excuse for consumers to be co-ersed into spending more money. However, I think Valentines Day is a wonderful point (or should be) in the year. Some people need that reminder to treasure their partners, to value and love someone other than themselves ! Besides, Valentines Day does not have to be materialistic, because that is not the point of the day at all.

 

This Valentines Day, why not avoid the materialistic teddy bears and gimmicks, but be creative in the demonstration of your love and affection?.....Do something wonderful for your partner - write them a song or a poem, make them a home made music video, treat them to a surprise picnic at a special destination, run them a bubble bath with all the trimmings, a massage, a bunch of fresh picked wild flowers with a hand written note, make your partner a "King' or 'Queen' for a day and spoil them rotten,  take them on an 'mystery date night' (make it different and fun!).....the bottom line is, just demonstrate your love in a way that you wouldn't usually do. Tell your partner how much you love them ! To quote the movie "A room with a view"....do we find love so often that we should turn it off the box when it appears? Meaning, there can never ever be enough love in our lives ! I want to put more love into mine ! What are you going to do for the one you love this Valentines Day?

The history of St Valentines Day

(from Wikipedia)

The holiday is named after one or more early Christian martyrs named Valentine and was established by Pope Gelasius I in 496 AD. It is traditionally a day on which lovers express their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as "valentines"). The holiday first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.