Fabulous Quote Friday

30 Ways To Be Kind

 

 

"Our job is not to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world, our job is to raise children who will make world a little less cruel and heartless." LR Knost

 

I was chatting to my favourite barista not long after new year and she informed me that her new years resolution was simply to practise more kindness.

 

How admirable is that?

 

I don't have any resolutions for this year, but I jumped on the idea of creating a list of ways to be kind - to ourselves AND our fellow man.

 

 

SO, WHAT IS KINDNESS?

Wikipedia describes kindness as:

 

"a behaviour marked by ethical characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and concern for others. It is known as a virtue, and recognized as a value in many cultures and religions (see ethics in religion). Research has shown that acts of kindness not only benefit receivers of the kind act, but also the giver, as a result of the release of neurotransmitters responsible for feelings of contentment and relaxation when such acts are committed."

I love that last phrase - that in doing kind deeds to others, we ultimately bless ourselves and our mental health.

Like my happy barista, who encouraged me to consider the virtues of kind deeds, may I pass on the encouragement to make the world a happier, brighter place? Practice joy inducing, contagious, random acts of kindness where ever you can.

Why not challenge yourself to a 'month of kindnesses' by undertaking one of these 30 'good deeds' everyday. You will have formed a new habit, made people smile, and made yourself happier in the process. 

Being Kind To Yourself:

 

Get a massage

Write a love letter to yourself - telling yourself how much you appreciate all your great qualities and achievements

Leave a bad relationship

Cook your favourite dessert as a Saturday night, stay at home treat

 

Outsource jobs you hate - ironing, gardening, washing the car. Someone else can benefit from the added pocket money and responsibility, and you deserve a break!

 

Indulge in a couple of good magazines, lie in a garden or park on a lovely day and enjoy the relaxation!

 

Stay in bed an extra hour, or watch a movie in bed.

 

Start a new class in something you've always been interested in - Yoga? French? Sewing? Computers?

 

Being Kind To Our Families:

Hide notes of encouragement with a little gift of love in your children’s lunch boxes ie. A sticker or a small yo yo

Have a date day with your children – take them out of school for one day and dedicate it to whatever they would like to do most with you

Hold a birthday party for your child's favourite toy

Give your teenager a shoulder rub while you watch a movie together

Run a luxurious bubble bath for your partner – complete with glass of wine, candle and soft music.

Create a date night list (one friend I know made a pinterest board with 52 do-able local date options on it for each week of the year). Let your partner choose his/her favourites and do those.

 

 

Being kind to our communities:

 

Buy a box of doughnuts for a local football team after Thursday night practise

Write a letter of gratitude to an older person in your community who you believe has made a difference

Leave a magazine or book in your favourite café for others to read

Bring some homemade goodies to your workplace for morning tea

Create a ‘free vegie’ box in your favourite local café for people to leave/take or swap their home grown produce

Blow up balloons to hand out to children at your local childcare centre

 

Find out from your local real estate agent who is new in town and visit them with a basket of local produce and a list of services and contact numbers

Being kind to others:

 

By lottery tickets and hand them out randomly in the street

Offer to babysit for a friend for nix

Ask for forgiveness

Mow your neighbours lawn or bring their bins in

Create a ‘friend of the year award’. Do up a certificate or make a trophy for someone who has shown you particular support or love

Pick a massive bunch of flowers from your garden, or wildflowers where appropriate, and give them to a friend/your local shopkeeper/Doctor/ librarian – whoever !

Leave compliments and words of encouragement all over facebook for a day

Invite someone you don’t know so well for dinner or coffee

Leave a box of chocolates in the letter box of someone you appreciate

 

A little bit of kindness spreads a long, long way!

 

What I learnt from a photoshoot.....

 

 

I'm a chick.

I LOVE pretty things.

 

And I write a vintage blog all about pretty things from times gone by.

 

So it will come as no surprise when I tell you that I recently embarked upon a jaunt into vintage fashion shoot land. I have a wardrobe bursting with wonderful clothing and accessories accumulated from a life time of vintage collecting (I know, I really am soooo lucky), my best friend is a fashion photographer (Brooke Orchard Photography) and I think all my girlfriends are as beautiful as they come. I simply HAD to dabble in life as a stylist at least once in my life.

 

The experience was wonderful. It was one of those occasions where you just KNOW this is something you have to do, and because I was feeling lead to create this project, I was relaxed, organised but unstressed, and I knew that everything would come together.

Isn't that the best feeling in the world?

I have undertaken many projects that should have been a breeze, but because I felt obligated, because I was not experiencing the flow, the 'rightness', the heart guidance of the project - because it was HAVE to rather than need or want to - the projects were fraught with stress, hiccups, and lack of pleasure, beautiful projects though they were.

My foray into a photographic fashion shoot, however, was not that. It was wonderful, and I think, for now, I am a bit hooked !

 

That said, I wasn't all that brilliant at it. It was, after all, my first time. I saw the images in my head, I collected all the models, the clothing, I sourced the venues and the props. I had everything together. But when the day came, I realised I suck at giving direction.

Brooke, my poor photographer friend ended up doubling as hair and make up artist - I knew the look I wanted, and could put it together on my face and hair in my sleep, but I floundered when it came to transforming my contemporary friends into 1960's Bridget Bardot's. Thank goodness I had Brooke to fall back on! And when we were out on location, I know I should have been instructing my friends to 'Stand this way" "Look here" "Smile" "Use this prop", but I didn't. Again, I left interpretation to Brooke and my models.

 

Why?

 

It wasn't because I didn't have ideas. I wasn't because I didn't know what I wanted. It was because I gave in to the feeling of incapability alongside my best friend who is an old hand (a brilliant old hand I might add) at this. Who was I to presume to know how to direct? To help my girlfriends - most of whom had never modelled for anything save their wedding photographs - draw out the best, most character filled expressions and poses that told a story? I am a writer/town planner/social media marketer/landscape gardener (I have dabbled in a lot of things!) but a stylist I have never been. So I depended upon Brooke to take the reigns.

 

That evening, after a massive day and a hot one to boot, relaxing drink in hand, I noticed a quote on my fridge. It made me smile. The Four Agreements.

 

Don Miguel Ruiz wrote the book "The Four Agreements - a practical guide to personal freedom" in 1997, and it has been enlightening people ever since. I have the brief summary of each agreement on my fridge, and it was agreement three that was really leaping out post fashion shoot.

"Don't make assumptions: find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can change your whole life."

 

Yes. That was it. I reflected on my day and realised what I was lacking was the courage to express what I really wanted. I let others take the lead, albeit a little reluctantly I think - they were all counting on me to guide them, and I didn't quite rise to the challenge as well as I could have...this time.

 

Don't we all do this at times though? In our marriages, our workplaces, our friendships, in a million different little ways.

We don't tell our partner we like this or that in the bedroom - we make the assumption that they should know what we like.

We don't ask our children what their favourite meals are, and then get frustrated and angry every night as they fail - AGAIN - to eat the food we have slaved over.

We don't tell our friends we really hate horror movies, and then sit through 'Paranormal Activity - The Marked Ones' scared out of our brain and lamenting the waste of time, money and friendship 'quality time' the experience brought.

We harbour our crazy unrequited loves in our hearts, letting them eat away at our self worth instead of laying it on the line, grieving (or maybe celebrating!) and moving on.

We stew in silence as our work colleagues are praised for work that we did.
 

 

We fail to step up with guidance and instruction at a fashion shoot.

 

 

My goodness friends, none of this is 'wrong'! But it certainly isn't the best way to live our lives.

 

Don Miguel Ruiz was one hundred percent correct when he said this agreement can change your life. If applied early enough it could save a marriage. It could change your love life. It could deepen your relationship with your children. It could get you the job of your dreams, or a promotion at work. Don't wait for others to question you about what you want or how you feel - that often never happens, and believe me, you can waste YEARS of your life waiting for it to. For your husband to come to his senses and start showing an interest in YOU and what you would like to do for a holiday. What you enjoy in the bedroom. What you would like to do together outside the bedroom. How you feel about the relationship.

 

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.

 

 

You can change your life.

 

As you can see, we DID capture some amazing images the day of our photo shoot. And despite my lack of directional confidence, the day was thrilling - fun, happy, worthwhile. New friendships were formed. New lessons learnt. New talents unleashed. We did great.

 

Next time I will know so much more. Next time I will have knowledge and guidance to share. Next time I will speak up, be heard, create more confidently.

 

And everyone on our photo shoot expeditions in the future can only benefit from that.



 

 



Traditional Diet Advantages

 

Well, we have just come out of the traditional week of festivities, partying and over indulgence - all of which should have been enjoyed with great vigour ! However, when the tinsel has been taken down and the final bon bon bad joke shared, the last new year fireworks display erupted and glass of champers drunk, we tend to throw ourselves into physical 'self betterment' with equal gusto. But before you dial Jenny Craig, or reach for the protein shakes, think of the lifestyle strategies of your forbears.

We are now a more obese culture than at any time previously in history, and yet the diet of the mid 20th century  (when our physical shape was universally slimmer) would not pass muster according to todays health authorities - lashings of butter unrestrained, creamy cheesy meals, and as I remember fondly, desserts, cakes and cookies on frequent occasions...homemade of course !!

So what is the difference today? How can our ancestors, only one generation ago, have kept a healthy weight when today, with our knowledge about health care, we are spilling out of our clothes everywhere?

 

Opinion varies, however, my observations come down to a couple of things:

1. Less time playing on the computer and being entertained, and much more time entertaining ourselves - climbing trees as kids, making 'stuff' (sewing our own clothes, growing our own food or building our own furniture instead of buying everything), playing outside - bike riding with the kids instead of taking them to the movies. In short, our everyday lives were far more active 40 years ago.

 

2. Serving sizes have increased. Food is abundant in our rich western society and our plate sizes have made room for this abundance.

 

3. The food itself. A meal from the 1950's would look something like this......some sort of meat, peas, honeyed carrots, mashed potatoes, and dessert that was often stewed fruits with ice cream. Yes, the old meat and three veg diet regularly. For many busy people (although, I stress, not everyone eats this way), todays meal looks something like this......Takeaway noodles, or pizza if in a rush, a soft drink to accompany, and an ice-cream on a stick for dessert. My forbears probably ate a meal like that as a 'treat' maybe 4 times a year. We may not eat pizza every night of the week, but I bet we eat it more than 4 times a year ! And that is the point. Middle of last century, vegies and fruits were regulars in the diet, even if served mashed with butter and cream. Today vegies and fruits just don't appear as frequently.

 

So, before you begin your stint with weight watchers, perhaps think about simply readjusting your lifestyle to include more activity, eat a little less, and enjoy more fruits and vegetables regularly.....then you can relax with your lemon curd tart and coffee at Koondrooks Long Paddock Café now and then - completely guilt free !
 

Here are some facts about fruits and vegetables to inspire you further....

Banana's can:

Lift Your Spirits thanks to the presence of a chemical called tryptophan and Vitamin B6

Ease menstrual pains also thanks to vitamin B6

Increase Your Brain Power from the presence of potassium

Reduce the effects of a hangover due to their high mineral content

Assist with quitting smoking - certain vitamins and minerals found in Bananas reduce the physical and psychological effects of nicotine withdrawal. 
 

Regulate temperature and calm morning sickness in pregnant women 

Regulate the acidity of some foods in the stomach effectively soothing ulcers

Ease mosquito bites by rubbing the inside of the peel on the affected area

Fertilise rose bushes - simply throw the skin at the foot of your rose for healthy blooms
 

Apples Can:

Protect your brain from Alzheimer's and Parkinson's by preventing the breakdown of brain particles (NutritianData.com)

 

Help you loose weight if eaten regularly

Decrease the effects of asthma
 

Reduce the risk of lung cancer

Zucchinis can:

Lower Cholesterol

.
Prevent certain cancers

Fight oxidative stress through the presence of powerful antioxidants and vitamins C and A.

Keep you in good prostate health

Function as an anti inflammatory inhibiting the symptoms of asthma, osteoarthritis, and rheumatoid arthritis

Contribute to heart attack and stroke prevention

Lower Blood Pressure


Carrots can:

Improve Vision

Prevent cancer

Fight aging and slow down the aging of cells

Give you healthy glowing skin - when eaten for internal skin health, or applied topically for external skin health

Provide a powerful antiseptic and can even be applied to cuts

Prevent Heart Disease

Cleanse the Body

Give you healthy teeth and gums

Prevent Stroke

Why is life "like a sponge cake"?

 

 

 

 

Good question !

 

Many summers ago, my marriage fell apart.

 

Fifty precent of them do. Its nothing new. Nothing extraordinary even. It is actually very very average, common and identifiable.

 

My ex husband is not a bad person.

 

I am not a bad person.

 

We were young when we married and wound up existing in a very unhealthy, un-nourishing relationship in which neither of us was happy.

 

I was the one who ended it.

 

There are many more gory details, but that is the crux of it. The foundation.

 

In all our impassioned discussions as the end drew nigh, I felt myself going around and around in attempts to explain the kind of love I needed in my life.

 

Books like "The Five Love Languages" and "His Needs Her Needs" (Both fabulous - I recommend them) were prompts to help me spell out what I felt was missing in my life.

 

I tried using plain language such as "I need words of appreciation to feel valued".

 

I tried demonstrating what I needed, giving constant words of praise and encouragement, and other loving gestures that fitted with recommendations in "The Five Love Languages" and "His Needs Her Needs". 

 

I tried I tried I tried.

 

I tried too hard.

 

Nothing resonated for the man I had loved with all my being, and who I wished would love me that way in return.

 

He was miserable. He couldn't hear what I was trying to communicate, no matter what format I presented it in.

 

And so, finally, broken in a way I didn't know people could be, I left, completely dead towards my marriage of ten years.

 

As I drove away, I felt a weight fall from my shoulders that was almost tangible. Sweet relief from a life of trying. It just shouldn't be THAT hard!

 

Not long after, I settled into my new digs in the town where I was born, and an analogy occurred to me that was so simple, so straightforward, so, well, sweet, that I have chosen to use it to define what I want my life to be ever since.

 

 

"Life is like a sponge cake"

 

 

I enjoy baking cakes, and I grew up in the country, where loaded dance hall supper tables groaned under the weight of ginger fluff sponges, cream filled pastry mushrooms, chocolate and strawberry lamingtons, and scrumptious scones. Egg and lettuce sandwiches, hedgehog slices and home made chocolate éclairs. Being a ravenous child in 1980's country Australia was awesome !

 

Have you ever eaten a true, country sponge cake? If not you haven't really lived, and if you have, then you will know just what I am talking about in the next paragraph.....

 

Cake. Feathery light. Thick as a wedge. Melt in your mouth.

 

But I would never, ever eat the cake part just on its own.

 

Never.

 

The cake part without the jam and cream in the middle, and the icing on the top would have been a flat out disappointment - not worth the eating at all. To have a sponge without embellishment would have been stingy, mean, and totally undesirable. They may be, proportionally, the smallest components of a good sponge, but you NEED the jam, you NEED the cream, you NEED the icing to make it worthwhile.

 

And it is the same with life.

 

The cake makes up the bulk of life - the work, the toil, the duty, the responsibilities on which existence rests. The mowing of the lawn, the cooking of the dinner, the raising of the kids, the paying of the bills. Its inescapable. They are the practical parts of life.

 

The jam and cream and icing make up the parts of life that are worth savouring - the deliciousness, the sweetness, the mmmmm's and ahhhh's and hungry delights. The cuddles and kisses and cheeky pinches on the backside, the winks and "You are so hot babe" comments, the notes in a lunch box, the racy text messages, the loving glances across a crowded room, the date nights, the words of praise and appreciation, the times spent together for the total sake of being with the one you love.

 

All that in the middle and on top of the 'cake' of life.

 

Am I right when I say, YOU wouldn't want to eat a life that was devoid of the jam and cream and icing?

 

Neither would I.

 

And I didn't.

 

And I wont.

 

These days, I supply my own jam, cream and icing. I go on dates with myself - to my favourite café, to the movies, or a bike ride in the country, or a pamper night at home. My house is decorated with loving affirmations to remind me how valuable I am. I treasure myself and treat myself lovingly and well - healthy food, time out, exercise time, creative time, social time. I am giving myself as much sponge cake embellishment as I can manage - because, you know, life is just to darn short to forgo all the deliciousness that is waiting to be experienced.

 

My marriage my be over, and I wont go into another relationship devoid of jam, cream and icing ever again, but that doesn't mean I cant have those things in single person format right now. No life should miss out on tasty goodness.

 

And so, it is my wish that those who read this blog be encouraged to know a life rich with ginger fluff embellishments, and may your sponge cake be savoured with every delicious mouthful!

One thing I have learnt from my children.....

 

 

Growing up I recall the merits of unconditional love spruiked from the pulpit, school assembly and drying dishes with my mum at the kitchen sink.

 

"God's love is unconditional, and we should love one another in the same way" I would hear.

 

And it struck a chord. After all, I wanted to be loved unconditionally - for someone to care for and be captivated by me regardless of the times when I muffed things or was less than stellar. Of course it made sense that I should endeavour to love other people in exactly the same way as I wished to be loved. The classic golden rule at play in the world once again

 

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" (1)

 

And so I set about to love others unconditionally. It was easy to love my family unconditionally - they are family after all. My brother might tease, my sister might argue, my parents might be (in my opinion) overly strict, but gosh darn it, I loved them all anyway - nothing they ever did in their humanness was more than my love for them could handle in the long term. I was fortunate like that. Not everyone has the privilege of saying the same thing about their families.

 

However, loving others unconditionally was, and is, in varying degrees, hard. People  disappoint. People let you down. People hurt. And people wound. For anyone who was not family, it proved a challenge to release and let go at the times when those things occurred.

 

But I tried.

 

And still do.

 

And always will.

 

I believe it is the goal, the standard, the ultimate way to live hard though it might be.

 

So, when my little ones arrived in my life with a flush of pleasurable tugging at my heart strings and wrapping me around their chubby little baby fingers, I felt that loving them unconditionally would be a heady delight for the rest of my days.

 

Life has wound its way along as a parent for the greater part of a decade now, and after so many moons, my unconditional love has begun to drown in the sea of urgency, expectations and standards that perhaps are not what little hearts and minds most need. Nothing brought this home to me more harshly than the end of the recent school term.

 

For the millionth time I was yelling at my children about something insignificant in the great scheme of things - the apple cores left strewn all over the lounge room, the missing school boots with ten minutes to spare before we left to catch the bus, or the spilt tub of yoghurt in front of the television ('How many times have I told you NOT to eat on the carpet?!!!!!') I was the ogre from hell - some might say justifiably - but an ogre none the less. Not the calm patient mother I had always imagined I would be. And as I reached snapping point this particular day, I retreated to my bed room for my own 2 minutes 'time out' to re-group and recover from, I hate to confess it, my desire to either slit my wrists or run away and never come back.

 

I was wishing I had never had my children.

 

I was hating my life.

 

Where had all my unconditional love for my babies gone? I detested them at that moment.

 

It was at this juncture that my children, who had been yelled at by a stressed, overwrought mother who wished them a million miles away, tiptoed gently into my room and wrapped their arms around me, whispering, "We love you mummy, we're so sorry we made you sad."

 

It was a dangerous move.

 

I could very well have exploded into "Have you picked up those apple cores yet you messy kids?!!" (It could have been one of those 'regret it later' situations - and if you are a parent, don't deny it - we all have them!)

 

But I didn't react that way. I was, really, too flabbergasted. The risk those kids took to come into my room and say those words, considering the state I was in, was enormous. It could have backfired horribly for them. The complete lack of love they had been receiving from me only minutes prior, turned into a mother speechless, teary and full of hugs for these amazing little souls.

 

I had always thought I was supposed to be the one to teach my children what unconditional love looked like. In that moment, I realised the majority of the time it is my children who demonstrate the most unconditional love in my little family, by a long shot. My children, much more than me, know what it is to love unconditionally - regardless of the grumpiness I dish out, the impatience, the irritability, the downright unattractiveness of their mother - they love me anyway.

 

I am humbled.

 

Completely humbled by this revelation.

 

I guess, when I was a child, I was the same way towards my parents too. And I have no doubt that little children in the most horrific of families, in the beginning possess love for their parents as well. I might even go so far as to suggest that even Hitler probably started out as a loving baby, who through various life experiences turned into a monster. I believe unconditional love is wired into children, and a double dose goes to blessed children who are raised in safe, nurturing homes.

 

This is why I really struggle with those old fashioned conservative religious types who believe everyone is born sinful or bad. (A BIG topic for another time) My observation is continually the opposite. My kids are just exploding with love. Sometimes it needs guiding. Sometimes its expression is a bit skewed. But deep down, love is at their core. We are 'made in God's image' (2). We are the stuff of the universe and in every corner of our soul exists love, or the potential for it, especially in the very beginning .....

 

"for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God" (3)

 

That day as we shared a quick cuddle before racing off to the bus, I received an altered vision of the world. The yoghurt could be cleaned up. The school boots could be replaced for the day with some black converse sand shoes. The apple cores were not going to cause world war three if they remained on the lounge room floor for a few minutes longer. But my children deserved love no matter the circumstances. No matter my aggravated state of mind. No matter what.

 

Sweet relief to me, I realised that my children's presence in grumpy mummies' bedroom that morning meant good things too. It meant that deep down, my children know that they are loved unconditionally. Phew ! 

 

 

 

(1)      Luke 6:31

(2)     Genesis 1:27

(3)     1 John 4:7

The Perils of Internet Dating - Top tips for the Unaware

Pretty much any single homo sapien in the first world is shopping for love online today. I have been browsing around a couple of sites for two or so years now, and have become reasonably well versed in what you will find online, and at this point, in all honesty, a little discouraged as well.

OK. So I am attracted to interesting, creative, arts and culture types. Let me clarify that my online dating experience is coloured by that fact. No doubt many men felt similarly disillusioned by my profile !

Its just that so many profiles read EXACTLY the same as each other - wanting to find someone fun, being into all the usual run of the mill stuff (football, eating out, reading the paper/news online), and more often than not, sporting a really unappealing image. (See above!)


Where are all the diverse gems of blokes (and no doubt women too) in this world of billions?


How do you put 'your best face forward' in the online haystack of internet dating?

 

The following is my advice for a really appealing 'gem like' profile, for what its worth:
 

 

One : Usually, online Gems will have a clear, smiling profile picture.

No bathroom selfies in sight.

No (terminator style) sunglasses covering your face or pictures of your back in a tropical location.

No shirtless dudes or skimpily clad gals (it smacks of ego).

No pictures of you with your ex or heaven forbid, on your last wedding day!

Just a friendly, approachable, well taken photo.

(To any prospective online dating wannabe's, think about getting someone to take some pro photos for you - you are marketing yourself in a chronically visualised society after all.)
 

Two : Have a written profile that reads well, is honest and sincere.

Again, if writing is not your forte, it is worth seeking out a friend who can help you compile a written presentation. There are many lovely people don't know how to put words together well, and online profiles can be quite unforgiving in this way. Look for ways to avoid any disadvantage in this area.

Don't talk about walking on beaches at sunset (eye roll).

Or liking to have fun (who doesn't?).

Or wanting to find someone to share your life with (hello - why else would you be here, unless your after a quick fling - and if you are, be sure to say so. There is nothing wrong with that, but PLEASE be sure to market yourself as such, so that you attract similarly minded people and avoid breaking any hearts....)

Talk about what fills you with passion - be it renovating or great philosophers or Woody Allen films...... tell the people specifically about YOU. Your written profile is where you share about your love of pig hunting (not your profile picture). You want to find someone who connects with who you are, so tell them about your love of obscure rockabilly music, escargot or visits to tibetan monasteries, and you never know - that might be the spark to a flame! 

Please, don't leave the written profile part blank, or filled with the phrase "I don't know what to write".......insert your favourite meaningful song lyrics or poem that seems appropriate if you absolutely cannot think what to say.

 

Three : If you are searching for love, give people a chance.

Leave your preconceived ideas behind and step out of your comfort zone in a virtual sense. 

Make the first move.

Be resilient and pick yourself up if you get a rebuff.

The world is a massive gourmet feast of people. Finding connection, intimacy and love is the greatest quest you will undertake. It is meant to be an adventure - if it was easy, we would quickly become complacent. Because it is a challenge to find our true love, doesn't it make it all the more precious and worth the trying? 

 

Four: Play it safe in a real world sense.

Only meet for coffee for a first date, and allow yourself an 'out' if things arnt going well.

Be brave enough to leave early, or be straightforward if a person does not match up to their online photograph or write up.

You deserve the very best, so be assertive if people are not who they have lead you to believe they are.

Avoid months and months of telephone talking without actually meeting. You cannot tell if you are attracted to someone until you meet them face to face - cut to the chase as quickly as possible, for your own and their own benefit.

Above all, be savvy and trust your instincts about people. Unfortunately, there are predators on these sites, and no matter how endearing someone may seem, always err on the side of caution until you have experienced getting to know them in a real world sense.

 

 

SO hopefully, by now you have enjoyed revamping your profile, or joining up to try your luck. May you, one and all, be blessed to find the love of a lifetime!
 

What is my online dating story I hear you ask? Ahhh, there is not much to tell, for I found the perceived remoteness of where I live a massive inhibitor to the process actually working. Lots of lovely chats with people, but, when it came to the nitty gritty, no dates. Most gentlemen I met were not really interested in long distance travel to date a girl, and fair enough. I have taken a rest from internet dating myself and now cherish hopes of falling in love the old fashioned way - by trusting the universe to bring me every good thing, and the love that I am worthy of in a perfectly enchanting and serendipitous style. I'll keep you posted !

My beautiful Life - learning acceptance.



My children were watching Finding Nemo. Hiding from the sticky flies and midday heat. Dreaming of snorkeling in the water with what was before them on the screen. Later we would venture outdoors for an evening swim, but for now, voyeuristic swimming would be all we could achieve. I was tidying bedrooms but could still hear the TV in the background, and little Dory's catch cry "Just Keep Swimming" seemed to have particular resonance. I stopped, sat on a newly made bed and pondered the 'Just Keep Swimming' concept.

I have been a solo parent for three and a half years. Woah, the amount of times I have had to grit my teeth and 'just keep swimming' are to numerous to recall. When the babies fight incessantly and you are the only one there to sort it all out. When they come home with homework and readers and projects and you are the one source of assistance and help and advice for all three kids - exhausting thought. When you are responsible for everything in the household, every decision rests on your shoulders, and you collapse into bed at night knowing you have been 'grumpy mummy' again that day because you are just carrying too much - a load that a human being was not created to carry. When you cry at night because you just long for tender, loving arms to hold you. That soft place to fall when its all too much. Yes. You have to be strong and trusting and 'just keep swimming'.

That said, the swimming is getting easier as the kids get older. More responsible. More mature. Or maybe the nature of the swimming is changing. I find I am swimming with deadlines, activity groups and chores instead of three sets of nappies, afternoon sleeps and kinder runs. Yet in all the swimming, somehow I am learning to love this crazy exasperating life......and that, for me is the real miracle of discovery that has been three and a half years in the making. The creation of my acceptance. My realisation of the beauty of my life.

For the past three and a half years I have, in all honesty, had strong moments of bitterness. Here I am, living in a small, kind of remote country town (which I totally love I must add), but I am here because it is reasonably close to my ex so that he has good access to the kids, and because it is close to my parents for much needed support. Living in a country town is also a far more relaxed lifestyle for raising children, and for a single mother (or anyone for that matter), ooooooodles more affordable than a quality life in the city would be. In many respects I do not feel that I have a great deal of choice about the vicinity in which I live - and for the most part, that is ok.

 

But for the rest of the time, there in lies the difficulty and the source of my little apple of bitterness. I have a career qualification that does not lend itself to many jobs around here, and I know I could earn three times the salary I earn here if I lived in Melbourne. In being here I forfeit climbing that particular career ladder. In being a single mother juggling part time work and motherhood I forfeit good superannuation and therefore, a financial healthy retirement. In being a single mother of three, shall we say, vivacious, children, and my being of an artistic bent in a remote country town, I find like minded men very very thin on the ground. In being here I forfeit the opportunity to date anyone, find a kindred spirit relationship, or even have sex. Sigh. I have spent three and a half years grieving over the end of my, albeit girlhood, dreams of relationship, and also lamenting the situation I now find myself in, which was certainly not a part of my original life plan !

 

Now, that all sounds terribly morbid and horrible doesn't it? And I am a big believer in the Law of Attraction - wont saying all this draw more negativity to me? Let me just say, facts are facts. It is bloody hard as a single mother, on so many levels. 

 

However, I've discovered heaven or hell exists in our minds, not in our circumstances. Yes, the circumstances are 'not fair', but since when was life fair to anyone? I believe we make our own happiness through our thoughts. There has been so much research in the field of neuroplasticity in recent years, and as the title implies, it refers to the capacity of our minds to be malleable. Our thought process can be changed, and through that, our life perspective. Our happiness.

 

I have been angry, sad and overwhelmed with my situation at various times throughout the past three years, and it is only recently, through employing neuroplasticity techniques and associated spiritual beliefs, that I have learnt acceptance and love for my life. When one said 'acceptance' in reference to shitty circumstances, I used to think "Ugh! I will never resign myself to a horrible life like that !!" Well, I am here to say, I am not talking about resignation, I am talking about Marlin and Dory in Finding Nemo. Marlin, through past conditioning, tried to control every aspect of his life, and operated in fear. Dory taught him to let go, to accept the guidance of the Universe or God, while all the while pursuing his heart. Its a beautiful film.

 

That is what I am talking about. I have learnt, and continue to learn, to enjoy the moment I live in right now, while working towards the dreams of my heart. When I engage and practise mindfulness in this moment - with all the sounds, sights, feelings, relationships, tastes, smells and emotions of the moment - I find my life is richer and more beautiful.  I love all things in my life more, it begets gratitude. Funny thing is, gratitude begets more engagement with the present moment too - a lovely cycle.

 

So I look at my life anew with a more trusting, less controlling and fearful heart. I see the brand new home where I live, all geared up for sustainable living - comfortable, economical, inviting. I see three children who are very warm, intelligent, happy and out going. I see a job where I have amazing flexibility in my work hours (so fantastic considering the juggling act I am performing these days!), and where my boss is beyond wonderful. A job in a field I actually really really love - marketing, social media and public relations.....who knows where it may lead me in years to come? I see a community that celebrates my presence (how many city communities are like that?!) and supports my family and our situation through so many random acts of kindness. And a community in which I can be actively involved and invited to contribute. I see an ever increasing circle of intelligent, insightful, loving and beautiful women friends....that aspect of my life alone truly humbles me. I have more girlfriends here in my tiny little rural town that I had when I lived with my ex-husband in a rural city four times the size! When I step back and look at those bald facts, I am overcome with how perfectly God has provided for all those needs. My worries and concerns are diminished enormously. I also know that my concerns about love, desire, career and future finances are being taken care of because I believe that the Universe only has good things for me. Now that's the Law of Attraction and the Law of Detachment. That's making room for the aspects of what is missing in my life to spontaneously emerge.  That's doing the Dory thing....just swimming and trusting that its going to be ok.

 

So, I finally got up off the newly made bed and went out to smile at my children who promptly hugged me and told me I was "the prettiest Mummy ever". That evening our real life swim in the golden pink sunset and twilight was just perfect. It really is a beautiful life, and I know the future is bound to be very rosy indeed.

*** I will be writing more about retraining the brain to follow more positive pathways in the future, but if you would like to know more right now, I recommend researching the writings of Louise L Hay, Erkhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra and Dr Carolyn Leaf.